Mormen The Better's Hash

Otherwise known as....."How To Kill Hashers Through Thirst"

 

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Memorial Day  Hash

Sunday May 25th brought the first Survivor Hash since our Red Dress and what a day it was. We all gathered at Hung Like a Leprechauns house (thanks Just Margie and Just Nate) and started the festivities off with the blessing of the hares. Dirty Dipstick co-hared with his brother (Shows and Goes) who is back from Iraq. After a quick blessing we sent the hares away and got involved in some chalk talk for all our virgins-yes, we had a few- as well as giving us ample time to re-charge the vessels. After the allotted time we took off to find trail and waved goodbye to Mormen whom we wouldn't see again until the trail was finished (we'll get to that story later). Trail was picked up initially by MILF and it immediately took us into shiggy, mud, water and heat. The first leg was mostly straight-forward with not many intersections to lead us astray and we ended up at the first beer check pretty much intact but thirsty. After a brief rest to allow plenty of nectar to flow from our vessels into our personal disposal ports away we went again to find the trail. MILF and June once again picked it up quickly and we dashed back into the woods.

This part was a very nice run through the woods along the backside of many houses where Baaad Dad met his true love on trail. After prying him away from the goats we all continued to dart along trail fairly smoothly. It was at that point the trail suddenly came to an end. After some searching Clumsy found the trail heading straight into thick brush and vines. Weaving in and out for what seemed an eternity we finally came out behind somebody's house safe but mostly covered in blood-with our resident hash models smiling the whole way, yeah right!  J Down a road (and a private one at that-yeah, the old dude let us know it was) and around the corner brought us to the back end of a subdivision and a little road running (or crawling at this time). Around the corner, through a paintball field and on to the next beer check. Clumsy was surprised to see so many people at the second beer check seeing he was the FRB at this time. Seems we may have had some SCB's in the mix (Swab & Co.)... As the rest of the pack approached the beer check they were stopped dead in their tracks by back to back package and titty checks. Most followed orders and we all replenished our bodies with the nectar of the gods.

On-On again and straight into the thicket shit we've been in. Blackberries anyone? I'm not talking about the little runner types you see growing on the side of the road. HELL NO!!!! We are talking about ten feet tall, very thick, fully grown, stick you everywhere blackberry bushes. The trail led in for a good distance before finally returning out behind someone's house (yeah, Dirty likes to send us through peoples yards. After cumming out of that damn blackberry prison from hell we had the small task of scaling a privacy fence and trying to run through this owners yard before he could pull the trigger (oh no, I aint lying here folks- Ask Swab. I still think he's pulling bird shot out of someone’s ass). A quick departure and onto private property owned by the county (of course- no one can tell now it's private property because for some reason the sign has disappeared. Don't worry folks- it's only about a half mile down the trail). This part of the trail opened up and it was a nice smooth run through shaded cover and mostly down hill. Then we came upon the shit. Back into the thick woods again but this time the vines and trees were so damn heavy we had to stay low the whole time (if Fire was there she could have bolted through this shit). Clumsy decided to try to bulldog his was through which ended up paying off for him as he came out of the shiggy way ahead of the pack. Picking up trail rather quickly we were back on the road. This time Clumsy and YNIOMA were hashing together with the rest of the pack still trying to figure out how to get through the thick shit. We saw the hares in the distance and started the pursuit. Still being roughly 3/4 miles ahead of us and darting around corners we wanted to be careful as to not get caught up in some of Dirty's tricks. Around a corner we came and what do you know..... HARE SNARE!!!. Yep, caught them bastards red handed. Oh yeah, they tried to hide but you know that shit wasn't going to work. We grabbed the hares and to the end we went. Doubling back because the way they intended to go wasn't opened enough for us we picked up the rest of the pack and after a mile long walk ended back at the start. Upon reaching said beginning what did we see but Mormen himself. Fortunate for him he has wearing a GPS so he was able to find his sorry way back. After downing multiple gallons of beverage we circled up, gave the hares shit, made them drink-then made them drink some more, and finally made them drink ten more times just because we could.

Clumsy and YNIOMA were called out for being FRB's and for Snaring the Hares as Swab down-downed for being DFL as well as SCB. MILF discussed the titty and package check and it was at this point that the hares said “what titty and package check? We didn’t leave one.” With laughter Swab finally confessed to laying down the marks right in front of the beer check for fun and something to look at. Hell no we didn’t make him drink for that shit, we saluted him with honors for cumming up with that one. We made the hashers drink though for falling for it. We had technology on trail, Nerd names, pissing, pointing, Baaaad Dads Goat, plus numerous other tails from the trail and accusations and the ever so popular private party led by June and MILF-of course. The circle lasted for a decent amount of time and we ended with Swing-Low (of fucking course)...

 The trail ended up being right at 6 miles but most present agreed it was one damn fine trail. A little bit of everything but not too much of any one thing. I must admit it was my favorite trail ever and one I would love to be able to emulate.

Once circle ended we grabbed another keg, cooked up some burgers and then out of nowhere.... BOOM !!!........ Followed by a whiz, bang, sparkle. That is when-almost in unison- everyone said--- Holy Fuck!.. Yep, Holy Fuck had arrived right on cue with her fireworks and lit the sky up. We had some fun waking everyone up and lighting up the night sky and particular fun was had over this conversation..... Holy and Clumsy to someone else (we'll leave him anonymous) "Hey dude, we only have a few of these roman candles left, take this one over by the fence and launch it. We are going to light ours over here."... Innocent dude..."OK!"..... For those of you brilliant enough to pick up on that conversation already let me briefly say I have never seen anyone run, jump and dive so damn quickly as he did when Clumsy and Sue lit his ass up with those well aimed Roman Candles. The fun had to end too soon when the police showed up (only this one was pretty cool about it, we offered him so firecrackers and a beer but for some reason he turned them down). We all then decided to go the "The Tiki Bar" on Perdido. This is a new establishment and is a very nice place. It was here that Sue, Charles and Ron decided to some more fireworks in their parking lot. It was also the time the owner came out and said "Hey, are you all idiots. Quit doing that here. This is a Tiki Bar, it has a thatched roof. You'll catch the damn place on fire.".... Yes sir, we then moved to the nearest place we could find to launch our skyward missiles and smartly chose----- The middle of the very busy two lane road. I'm sure it was a sight to see as Swab and Clumsy were sitting in the middle of the road with vehicles whizzing by trying desperately to get that damn match to light, which it did. Up in the sky with a loud blast and a bright flash. Hmmm, I sure hope that auto accident wasn't our fault!!!!!. The party lasted late into the night with the hashers taking over the microphone and serenading the crowd with our hash favorites before we eventually ended up back at MILF and Dirty's Hash house. The partying ended and most people crashed. Some hashers were rudely woken the next morning by a large dose of water. I'm not talking just a little sprinkle either. Some fell flat ass asleep on the driveway and when the sprinkler system came on early in the morning they definitely got a shower before they even woke up. What's a little clean water between friends?!

 

Well, that's it folks. It was one hell of a hash and it seems as if fun was had by all. Look forward to seeing everyone at the next hash..... ON~ON

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2008 PENSACOLA RED DRESS RUN

MINI HASH TRASH - as seen (in a blurry way) by Biker Peter Eater and co-authored by Hastabuyit                                             

                    

                    
  Well, the first night (Friday) got off to a good start. I was drunk by the time we got to the hotel in PCola. The pack lost Cum Rag's trail but the cops showed up to make sure we could find our way to jail if needed. Note from Hasta's interview with the police, do not use poly-syllabic words with the P'cola Copolas...they do not understand and think you are being a wise ass. Even though, he didn't think rhetorical was that big of a word. One of the bars we stopped in did not know we were coming. It was a really nice, quite little place. The type of place you take a first date to in order to get to know her. Well, we ruined at least three of those dates. The people who made it to the end of the Friday night crawl made it back to the hotel in front of the beer truck...dang P'cola Copolas again.
Apparently, CPG had to babysit me for a while after the Pub Crawl. When I returned to the hotel room where Beerfart and CPG were sleeping soundly, I crawled into bed with CPG and he felt the need to find out which woman was sleeping with him, so he pulled on my hair and he says I slugged him. That's what he gets. Oh, and we got these really cool cups that showed us if our beer was cold or lukewarm by changing colors. Our Host and Grand Master of this function was Dirty Dipstick and they did a GREAT job - kudos! They have an entourage of Divas; these chicks don't miss a lick! LOL
  

The next day was filled with pool time and a Trivia game, a bunch of newcomers drifting in. Pic of the Litter has this cool camera that takes underwater pictures, so we had alot of fun with that. Good to see a bunch of old friends! A very good game of Trivia was held and Insufficient Pussy Postage was the winner. Being from NOLA, I felt the need to bring a bagful of beads, so alot of Hashers were donning Mardi Gras beads for the trail.

                                                                           
A local lady was sitting on her porch and was practically molested by some of the NOLA Hashers. Then we encountered a statue of "The Thinker" and had some fun with him.
There was some pole dancing involved on Trail, and I recall some of it was done by me at one of the last beer stops in a cage. I loved that cage. I could have taken that cage home. The strip club was fun. Alabama Slamher gave those girls a run for thier money. There was much rolling around on a pool table at some point.
I don't recall much of circle. Someone got named, I think. I do remember pretty much changing either my name or the name of the NOLA kennel I claimed I was from. Something really funny.
There was a show of people (girls) rolling and frolicking on CPG's Corvette and on the ass-fault drinking beer out of buckets.
I vaguely remember jumping into the pool with my dress on and I was quickly reminded of that fact when I had wet clothes strewn all over the hotel room. Hasta notes that on Saturday night back at the hotel two hashers had this exchange: Hasher 1 "When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail" Hasher 2 "But everything is a nail and I have a wrench." Hasher 1 "Oh, well then, you are gay." Hasher 2 "Oh thank goodness. At last I have the answer...FREEDOM!!!!"
And someone from the Swingers party came over and we rude to those hashers who for some reason were laying in the parking lot...Pic was all over them like a yappy dog after the mail man. Security, after fussing at us a half dozen times over the weekend, actually came over and apologized.

A hole was made in the wall (so I'm told - I went to bed fairly early after TKO knocked my drink all over my jeans) Somebody tried to cover the hole up with a piece of paper (this is what I overheard - I had nothing to do with this crime)
Overheard:
~Hey, is my cast in your room? (Fuck Spot)
This brings a whole new meaning to Asphalt - my ass and my fault!
~Hey, that's the girl I slept with last nite! (driving back home on the highway and a car passes us)
"Happy Mother's Day!" "Oh, I'm not a Mom" Snatch: "Yeah, well we'll see about THAT after the pregnancy test!"
(after coming out of the bathroom) "What did I eat last night that was GREEN?!!!?"

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I'm just glad to be back home in NOLA where it's okay to be drunk on the street and walking around with a beer in your hand.
Fun and debauchery was had by all.
                                      Disclaimer:   No beer trucks were molested (hell, they packed their shit up so quick on Sunday morning, we didn't have TIME to molest the kegs!), no children or animals were harmed in any way (unless you count the kids in the pool), no canoes were tipped and nobody's head cracked cement during this Hash.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
On-On! Biker Peter Eater
PS: If I'm forgetting anything eventful or of importance, please forgive me. Alot of brain cells were killed on this trip. Please feel free to add your own notes!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body Thoroughly used up,totally worn out and screaming
~ WOO HOO what a ride!" ~

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A Side Note From The Survivor H3 Mis-Management: We would like to thank Biker & Hasta for their write-up on the 2008 Red dress. We would also like to say we will add more but after this..... what more is there to say except...

I would like to add in the whole "Hey Mr. Corner Preacher Man-Lets Talk" incident. While innocently hanging out (Cum on, did you see that outfit-hell yeah she was hangin' out) some soon-to-be bible thumpers showed up outside to protest the degredation of homosexuality. Little did they know this was "sorta-straight-mostly-drunk-almost all the way-fucked-up" night. MILF Bistro decided to confront these blaspemist Heathens by having a little face-to-face time and giving them a once over. Well, let me tell you something- Don't ever piss off an Italian Woman who grew up in the Catholic church, she will size you up and tear you a new one. After MILF was done "Correcting" these mis-guided children of the corn and turned her attention to more booze and dance I believe I heard one one of these soon to be ex-preachers murmur "If they all look like that, where can I get me a Red Dress?". Cum On- What's there not to like?

 

 

Thanks to everyone who ran interference with the cops on Friday night and to all who helped organize, set-up, break down and keep us on schedule and on fun. To all of you who attended we would like to extend our most sincere thanks in allowing us to host our first Red Dress and especially thank all those who were more than happy to supply us with advice concerning this Red dress as well as future events we might host. I am sure that future events will benefit greatly from your willingness to share your experiences, ideas & feedback.

 

 

Once Again....... Thank you for attending the 2008 Pensacola Red Dress Run!!!!!
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Hashing With the Models-

Or.... "How to Auto Hare and still look innocent"

Clumsy Blessing the Hares-Our Hash Models- From Left to Right: June Fucking Beaver, M.I.L.F. Bistro & Baaaad Dad

 

What a beautiful day it was this past Saturday. Sunny, 70-something degrees outside, tons of visitors and virgins and over thirty hashers ready to take off into the wild blue yonder. Yes indeed folks, it was a fine day........ For a car ride.

 

What we have here is a failure to hare. Look, I know you all were virgin hares, I know you all were worried you would screw up and not do it correctly (you got that part right), I know you wondered what everyone might say about the trail, I know you were worried you would get caught, Hell- I even know you were worried about your hair getting messed up (well, maybe not Baaaad Dad), but come on folks; Auto-Haring?! That's like having Spring Break without the booze, Jerry Springer without trailer trash, Michael Jackson without kids, Sex without the orgasm (ok,unless you're CumRag- then its probable).

 

We did have a great turn out at Kooter Brown's West. 33 Hashers showed up for what turned out to be a pretty decent hash around the block. Clumsy called out the hares to the center of the circle and introduced Baaaad Dad, M.I.L.F Bistro and June Fucking Beaver to everyone and explained that this was their very first time haring. Once we blessed them away they ran (at least around the corner to their waiting chariot). A brief announcement then chalk talk led by CumRag was soon followed by a great warm-up conducted by Fire-In-The-Hole. For all those Virgins "Father Abraham" will never hold the same meaning again. After a quick fifteen minutes we were off. It was, in Fire's words "what we old timers call a Puppy Trail- Long, straight and not much Shaggy".

 

Speaking of Shiggy-Shaggy, was there any? Some of us took a detour through the apartment complex to find our own shaggy (and some bow saws) before circling back around to get back on trail. Of course, as if the bow saws weren't enough, someone had to show their athletic abilities as to why they will never be asked to join the U.S. Olympic Hurdling Team. While CumRags' attempt was valiant the only thing he lacked in his attempt to jump the fence was that he actually tried to do it. In the end he ended up all right; the fence on the other hand needs some T.L.C. If anyone has skills as a carpenter I know an apartment complex that is in need of your abilities.

 

Once we got back on trail, and over the self-made shaggy experience, we quickly made a mad dash- and a veeeeery long one at that- towards the beer check. While many onlookers where wondering what the hell was happening some never blinked an eye and just moved on. After an easy to find right, left, run, walk and then a quick DIP we came to the beer check, only to find that CumRag had discontinued his Olympic hurdling feats to take up "Duck Chasing"- fortunately for the ducks no bow saws were used in his endeavor. We enjoyed some pleasant conversations, got to know some newbie’s and talked about the old times- (I.M.E. of course was able to talk about the "Really" old times). Didn't take long and we were off again, following that long ass straight trail carefully laid by those front running hares-whatever!

 

A turn to the left and away we flew- and it was at this point that the resident dumb-ass known as Clumsy screwed up again. Flagging Just Robbie down- who recently joined us in his chariot- Clumsy had him pop his shoulder back down and waited for the initial pain to subside before returning to the trail and bitching to himself about how damn painful it was. One of the things I found out about running by myself is that there is a lot of time to be left with your thoughts. PLEASE, if anyone sees this happening stop and help. I'm not very good when left alone with my own thoughts.

 

Up around the bend was a nice group having a party. They had been there for some time and were able to witness the entire event. Oh how so lucky they were- and more so on our part, explanation later. Just a short distance up ahead laid the end of a fairly nice urban trail. Actually a nice one for those virgin newbie’s who might have been wondering if this was right for them. A good way to introduce them to the whole "Hashing" experience. We hope they enjoyed themselves and hope they return for many more experiences with SurvivorH3 as well as other area hashing organizations. Welcome to the fold new boots.

 

Once we all got back our GM (Dirty Dipstick) called for the circle and brought out the hares. This was their first time ever haring so I guess a little slack is due--- Naw, to hell with that. There were complaints about no shiggy, too long and straight was the trail, not enough intersections, no which-ways or other course alterations (unless you were a virgin altering the course). And of course they were rightly accused of "Auto-Haring". Oh the travesty of it all. We made them pay with a down-down, then another down-down, and then we let them do a down-down followed closely by a down-down. After watching the models trying to look so innocent of it all we decided to give them a break-at least a while- and called out backsliders, there were many, followed by the regular assortment of "Tech on trail" and all the others. We did have a virgin who, during introductions, say "I want a cool name" instead of the correct "Just whatever the hell my nerd name is". He, wouldn't you know it, was also accused of altering the trail, wearing cranial gear in circle, and almost every other infraction possible- Never has someone accomplished so much with so little. I don't know if he was asking to be picked out of the crowd but it was easily done. As is a growing tradition this one was the recipient of the 24 ounce down-down and good a good job of doing it correctly (even placing it upside down on the cranium). We had more accusations and tails from the trail and said announcements, talked about the upcumming trip to Mobile on April 12th, Free Pony and Cookies April 19th Gulf Breeze Hash and of course talked about Red Dress May 9th & 10th (if you are looking for an in-expensive all weekend guaranteed good time you have to register for this one). Fire led us all in Swing Low (once again, virgins will not go to church and sing this song the same way). We called end of circle.

 

Only to re-open circle some time later for a great "Tail from the Trail" spun by our very own R.A.- CumRag. His rendition of happenings on trail and conversations overheard was wrought with humorous side notes and brought the circle to hairpin silence once the meat of the story was approached. These tales brought with it a succession of happenings rare to Hashing- "Virgin Namings". While tradition has in the past dictated a minimum of six hashes before one can get named Survivor has held to the belief that namings should cum naturally. Whether it be your first or fiftieth a name should be earned-never given. Well, with the aid of CumRags’ exquisite weaving of stories he pulled out his first naming by calling “Just Laurie” to the circle and donning her forever more to be known as "Buffy Makes Me Cum" while shortly thereafter pulling “Just Mark” out and donning him forever to be known as "Mamma's Bitch". While those were absolutely clever, well earned hashing names and the stories that went with them fitting we had one more to pull out of our sleeves. Calling “Just-Whatever the hell my nerd name is” out to the middle of the circle, a place he had by this time grown very accustomed to seeing, CumRag anointed him to be known, from this day and forever more, as "I Won A Cool Name". You asked for it, you got it my brutha'.

 

Goes to show that just because you think it's over it's not always over. What a way to end circle. We had Three namings, 7 cases of beer, some "other" beverages and I’m quite sure there was "miscellaneous" enjoyment as well. Went into Kooter Browns, enjoyed some beverages and social conversation and after correcting Roger on his way-ward political beliefs ;) left for the Survivor Hash Pad, which Dirty and M.I.L.F. call home for some reason. Some more beverages, pizza, pool, window climbing and bed breaking and we called it a night. We hope everyone had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. Feel free to contact anyone in mis-management if you have any questions at all. Remember, there's no such thing as a dumb question, just dumb people who ask them

Don't forget Red Dress on May 9th & 10th. If you haven't registered do so by visiting the "Red Dress" link on the front page. Payment can cum later- registration needs to be done now though to assure a spot.

UP-CUMMING: Below are hashes we would like to invite you all to join us in

WHAT:Virgin Hare Primer

WHEN: Saturday April 5th   4:30pm.

HARES: CumRag, Just Jill and just Chad

Where: TBD

Cost: $6   As always, Virgins are free!

WHAT: Tax Time Hash in Mobile

WHEN: Saturday April 12th   3:00pm.

HARES: Long Neck Schnapps Sucker & Big Woody BushHog

Where: Malbia Exit- Lowe's Home Improvement Parking Lot,Daphne. Northwest Intersection of US Highway 90 Alabama Highway 181- About 1 Mile South of the Malbis Exit on I-10.

Cost: $6   As always, Virgins are free!

WHAT: Gulf Breeze Hash

WHEN: Saturday April 19th   4:00pm.

HARES: Free Pony Rides & Juicy Cookie (you can just call her "Juicy", She loves that)

Where: In Gulf Breeze- hece the name.

Cost: $6   Stay posted for Theme Announcement

Make sure you mark your calendars for the hash through Gulf Breeze. The property values in this beautiful and prestigous area will take a nose dive when the Hasher cum marking through.... Note to Real Eastate Agents- may not be a good idea for a "showing" to occur during this time....

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GDR in Destin

and other tales....

Although not a Survivor Hash we have to give props here to ECH3 for putting on a wild ride through the iner workings of Destin. Much impressed I was on the beer quantities and the food that was catered in was unbelievable. Way to go Pic and company- I only met her once but I know Dawgma would be proud. I would go on and on about what happened, how it happened or who it happened to but visit www.ech3.com for all the pictures and details. Surfice it to say "It was baringly good".

HASHSPACE.COM

For me this was one of those "duh, why didn't i think of that" moments. There a new space in town called www.hashspace.com and it's garnering support rather quickly. If you haven't signed up for it yet I urge you to do so-Don't be a Wanker, all your other hashing buddies are doing it. It's by invite only so let us know and we will hook you up. As I write this it's only a little over two weeks old but already has users in 99 countries and growing. Here's a brief synopsis of what they say on their site.

"This is a community for hashers by hashers. This community is by invite only so please only invite those that you know are hashers to join the community. Click on the "Invite More" link under your name to the right to invite your friends. Each invitation is unique and only valid for one user so please do not post to a listserv or message board as only one person will be able to use that invitation and the rest will receive an error message.

Things you can do:
- Upload personal photos and videos
- Leave personal messages for other hashers on their page
- Have discussions in the forum
- Create groups for your hash kennel or event
- Start a blog! "

So ther eyou have it, sign up and make sure you join the survivorh3 group.  Can't wait to see you there.

p.s., invite me as a friend and i'll accept. Hell, i'm a lonely guy, i'll accept anyone....

ON~ON

Clumsy

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Hashing For Moremen

~Co-Hash with ECH3~

Our last hash was held Saturday March 1<sup>st</sup>, it was the Co-Hash with ECH3 to celebrate Mormen's Return--- and I’ll be damn if I remember a single part of it. But I did wake up with a broke toe………..

 

There we were, all ready to get a good hash on. Many of us spend our weeks looking forward to the fun and camaraderie we get at these gatherings, and- like Cum Rag said in an e-mail a scant couple days before the hash- "Preparation is the Key"... Yeah, apparently better written then done. Let's take a quick glance around the hash day before actually going into details. As we all know there are a few key elements to a successful hash, let's take a look...

 

Hash Start Point: It is always a good idea to not only scout out the route but to make a good start point where everyone can gather and enjoy themselves before hares away. We all got the map to the start point and Cum Rag did a wonderful job in scouting it out to assure the start was a good place (oh wait, that didn't happen- no biggie, we all banded together to take care of that). Hares away 30 minutes late but at least we got them away.

 

Beer Check: Any good hash has at least one-and more if you can- beer checks. It's also a good idea to assure that your FRB's are good enough to properly mark trail to make sure the pack follows the correct route and doesn't miss the beer check (note to future FRB's, Clumsy DOES NOT like missing a beer check). This gets a bad mark as well, although I did hear that the rest of the pack enjoyed copious amounts of nectar at the actual beer check.

 

On~In: Of course no proper hash would ever be caught with an ending where you couldn't gather and circle up. Yeah, the conversation with Mr. Officer went something like this:

 

Officer: "What are you all doing here?"

 

Dirty: "We are part of an international running club.....yadda, yadda, yadda"

 

Officer: deer in the headlights look-I think he was trying to figure out if we were serious or trying to find somewhere to cook our seccret Meth

 

Clumsy: Shows officer hash bible (oh yeah, that ALWAYS works) to assure we are legitimate organization, says to policeman "We are part of an organization began by Marines pre-WWII. We have to orientate ourselves on a run through different terrain in order to meet at a final destination"... shows officer book again... "My name is Ron Scott, from Pensacola, Officer...." pause to allow officer to introduce himself

 

Officer: "It's not officer, it's Sherriff...." he commences to tell his name which I don't really care about- I think it was Barney Fife or some dumb ass shit like that.

 

After a few minutes of conversation (basically consisting of the Sheriff explaining the fact about Gulf Power's construction site, copper being present, the neighborhood calling 911 on us and his undying devoting to donuts and generally being a backwoods moron with more visions of grandeur than actual intelligence and him telling us we had to "skedaddle"-yeah, I’m sure that's a real word somewhere Barney- Real defenders of freedom everyone are cringing every time you put on that badge and open your mouth)

 

Conversation continued something like this (yeah, I’m abridging it)...

 

Dirty: "You think you can give us 15 minutes to wrap things up here?"

 

Sheriff Bumbles: "I think it best if you just move on now, anyone here been drinking?"

 

Clumsy: "Yep, most of us have, I'll make sure to police everything so it's cleaned up. Thank you"

 

Sherlock Holmes: "I think that's a good idea, you have about 3 minutes"

 

Clumsy: At this point irritated because Barney apparently hasn’t had sex with anything other than a sheep since childhood and his testosterone is making him feel like He-Man. Clumsy also wonders about the possibilities of throwing deputy dog a free pony ride so he can get off our asses. Considers this an outrage to free ponies everywhere.

 

And we then commenced to get the hell out of dodge- by following the vehicle with the flashing lights ;)

 

So, miraculously we ended up back at the same place we started, you know, that place we right up the road from the original starting place. And then we had to find someplace to go. Hell, I didn't even put the part where we had to reverse trail to find the DFL's because of the bad trail marks or the other fun stuff because let's face it, once you've met Barney Fife how in the hell can it possibly get any better (or worse)?

 

Eventually someone hooked us up with a house to gather. His name was- hell, I don't remember- he drank with the best of us though. And I do recall one very funny coincidence, this house we gathered was right up the street from the very same place Barney just ran us out of- boy, if he could see us now. I do remember his neighbors (who never did show up) were familiar with hashers, we started the circle finally. We announced some milestones (correctly or incorrectly- at this point did it matter). Then moved on to some other shit, all the while partaking in some glorious Holy Water, now I’m not one to prefer one beverage over another since-let's face it- alcohol is pretty much alcohol. But damn, Holy's Water was sweeeet. It was basically at this point that I lost all consciousness and any coherent form of understanding anything at all. But I do remember one thing. We ran out of nectar and it took almost an entire hour to re-supply. Ok; bad start point, I can understand. Bad beer check, i can understand. Bad ending I can understand. But running out of beer?!!!!!!! This will not happen again, even if I have to put a hidden case in my trunk. So, the circle died, people groaned and shit went down hill. But, there was some damn good grub supplied by Pic so that eased things over. Then the beer arrived- and all was saved. So the circle continued (I guess, like I remember at this point). At some point something happened, the circle ended and I guess we parted ways. Not sure exactly what the time line was but I do know that I woke up with a broke middle toe and it is still broke and black and blue. When i awoke I asked June "What the hell happened to my toe?” she looked at me in that you are such a dumb ass sort of way and said "what do you think, what's your name?"

ON~ON

Clumsy

 

 

See ya at Green Dress on March 15th. www.ech3.com

 

Don't forget to register for Red Dress.

                            

____________________________________

President Nixon Returns to Lay Trail

but ends up limp and cold

Saturday February 16th not only saw the observance of Presidents day by Survivor H3 but also brought with it the return of one of our founders, Tickly My Twinky. We all gathered to me the mystery man at Seville Squre downtown and was instead greeted by none other than former President Richard Nixon. After a brief- and we mean very brief- chalk talk (or should we say... flour talk) we blessed the Hare and away he flew. While many stood around waiting for their sign to let the chase begin most of us just waited for that dumbass throwing the flour to get stopped by our men in blue. circle introductions brought many backsliders to the fron while Bytes Himslef brought in two virgins- Just Richard, and Just Connie- both virgins turned out to be Bytes parents (proving to everyone that he is not the product of a freak mating between HAL 9000 and Rosie the Robot- note, you youngsters may not get that, it's a computer nerd thing). The Hash started out innocent enough by following the marks laid by the old pro himself and taking a straightforward circle around the block before cumming to our first beer check at Memorial Park. After some Nectar-and Bytes Parent enjoying some Jager- we jotted off again for a very quit meeting with some more Nectar at McGuires. *Note to myself, really enjoy lots of beer stops and less distance-be sure to mention this in the future. By this time we had successfully gone less than 2 miles while enjoying two beer stops, Now that's the way to my liver. A decent lapse of time saw us heading to what at first appeared to be a stop into Sammy's only to be tricked by trail and ended up at an intersection. While sniffing around like a blod hound with his nose cut off we were finally able to pick up trail only to loose it again while a passing train the distance of 100+ plus cars stopped us cold in our tracks. Not to be outsmarted the group was alert enough to spot hash on the other side of the moving train and began to run parallel down the opposite side until eventually picking up trail again. After a quick check back (and re-check back) we-----surprise, surprise, came upon another beer check. Oh sweet mother's nectar of love. What a glorious time. We pounded a feg kegs- and sang a few pounding songs- and gave the hare his full alloted 5 minute jump start (well, actually, we gave him a jump start then took off after him. Attempting to Snag the Hare only a few hundred yards from the finish Seamen did slow him down enough for a successfull Hare Snag by Mormen. Tickle gave up his pants and the hash gave up it's ice. What a great feeling that had to of been. FRB's were Seamen and Mormen with Bytes and family DFL's. While Tickle great a smaller Twinky sitting on the ice Accusations arose as to Mortal Name calling (yes, MILF anf June were at it again- keeping their streak alive by successfully using mortal names in every hash they have ever participated in). We had technology on trail, urinating on house (that homeless man will never be the same), Chariot riders, cranial gear, and our Virgins did a great job with their Down~Downs. We ended the circle with announcements about the 2008 Pensacola Red Dress Run, ECH3's  Green Dress on March 15th and even allowed Tickle to get off the ice and put his pants back on. On~After was at the new pizza joint, Hopjacks-"Home of the very limited beer pitcher and fabulous 2hr Greek Pizza" but soon ended up at Dity's Hash Pad to end the evening in the hot tub.

 

Notes from the Super Bowl/Mardi Bras Hashtacular 2/3/2008

Hared by Dirty Dipstick and Swab d Bone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Notes from the UWF Hash on 1/26/2008

Hared by Swab d Bone

 

It was cold and raining. There were 17 hashers that showed up including a few virgins and a few visitors from Biloxi(Stupid Man, et.al). Special thanks to our Biloxi bretheren and we will definitely make plans to return the visit. For those interested their website is www.biloxih3.com  The trail was very shiggy and most of us ended up bloody. We also ended up getting lost on trail and going in circles……maybe because of the large amounts of alcohol drank prior to the hash or dare I say a confusing trail……. Anyway the circle followed. All of us went to McGuire’s and scared some of the “proper” folks in there with our hash gear, debauchery and bloody legs. Then we all stumbled back to Dirty & M.I.L.F.'s Hash House for more imbibery and debauchery. Short, sweet and to the point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scribe Notes from the Outback Elimination Challenge...12/29/07

Damn those Aussies from Down-Under........ Let’s see. Cooler full of beer: $30, Hash Cash to give to bartender: $40, couple more glow sticks: A Buck Fifty, Aussies not showing up for their own Hash: Priceless.................. Typical damn Aussies- Can’t ever get their chit together. Upside down and back-ass-wards. All that aside the Hash went off without too many problems. Not bad for a last minute hash and the on-after was great but props to Dirty for hosting a phenominal on~after~after. The trail was mostly marked right and left McGuire’s to head out over the R.R. Tracks and on to a very fine Martini bar that just loved all those sweaty guys. After singing a quick diddy it was off to Capt. Funs for a tip toe and another down-down then a dash to memorial park before sprinting to the on~in. After doing quite a few down~downs and completely losing control of the circle we had some accusations, a marriage proposal, and the changing of the GM’s cup as it passed from Swabs lips to Dirty’s hand. The Aussies eventually showed up at McGuire’s using the excuse they were late because they partied too hard on Bourbon Street (just goes to show-Aussies aint got shit on us drunks). All-in-all it was a good time had by all and the next morning’s hang-over wasn’t that bad. See ya all at the next Hash

 

Swab, spit-don’t swallow!

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                    HashMas~~~ Christmas 2007                   

Another great hash was had by all the caroling half-minds that braved the cold wet night. As you can
tell by the poem it was a great time.

We also had Hash Erections!!!
New Mimanagement listed below:

GM - Dirty Dipstick
Vice GM - Swab d Bone
RA - Cum Rag
Co RA - Clumsy Stair Fucker
Hash Cash - MILF Bistro & Swab
On Sec - MILF Bistro
Song Meisters - Fire in The Hole & Holy Headlights
Beer Meister - June Fucking Beaver
Haberdashery - Dirty Dipstick
Web Meister - Bytes Himself & Clumsy Stair Fucker

There may have been some that I missed so please email me if you were there and remember, please,
Thanks.
On~On swab

                     

 

Written by: Clumsy Stair Fucker

Twas' the night of the Hashmas, and the rain stopped it's pour.

The Survivor Clan stumbled, the Hares forced to change their tour.

The runners were out of key, singing their songs

and Bad Dad was in the bushes, flogging his dong.

The run full of shiggy, MILF & June bitchin' about trail,

Dirty had just settled down for a fine pint of ale.

When out in the circle, arose such a clatter

Swab sprang off Beer Bitch to see what the fuck was the matter.

Away to the center, Clumsy made a mad dash,

Did a quick Down-Down and fell on his ass.

But what to our bloodshot eyes did appear,

A group of horny bastards, Quick!- hide the reindeer.

They were all led by a tall guy pounding his dick,

I knew right away it was that bastard, I.M.E.-St. Nick.

Slower than snails this Survivor group did run,

and the DFL kept calling out "Hold on, here I Cum".

No Prancing, No Prancing did FRB Cum Rag call,

Hurry your asses up or we'll cut off your balls.

At the On-After burgers they ate,

Too much to drink those ugly bastards did partake.

The G.M. staggered and stomped and went to the door,

tripped on his pecker, and fell to the floor.

I heard him exclaim, as he strolled out of sight:

Piss on you all, this is one hell of a night!

Down~Down

 

Around the Hash...

as witnessed through one Scribes bloodshot eye's

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