This is a special trail co-hosted by Emerald Coast H3 and Survivor H3!
SWILL TEAM SIX quick instructions: bring a six-pack of a beverage of your choice (i.e., beer, seltzer, or similar), a shotgun tool, and a bandilier to hold your beverages. If you don’t have a bandolier, no worries, we will provide the materials to make one for you! If this is your first SWILL TEAM SIX, bring an extra $3 for the swill patch.
Hares: Shakesbeere & Hebrew Hammer’d
Where: Navarre Park (meetup near the west end of parking lot: 30.401303, -86.867253)
What to bring: $7 or punch card, shreds of dignity (jk…leave that shizz at home), new shoes, thirst for beer
// TOP SECRETIVE SQUIRREL // Semen Shakesbeere, and Petting Orifice 2nd Class Hebrew Hammer’d // START TRANSMISSION //
WARNING ORDER // Attention all SWILL TEAM SIX members and recruits. This is not a drill.
OPERATION “REDNECK RIVIERA” MISSION #13 will commence in the navarre AOR on or about 20250412 at 1200L hours.
Staging area coordinates: n 30° 24′ 4.691″ w 86 52′ 2.11
MUSTER for pre-deployment checks NLT 1130L. Bandolier materials will be on site for personnel to assemble equipment and get inspected by Chief Wanker Officer Tie Me Up Buttercup, Semen Shakesbeere, and Petting Orifice 2nd Class Hebrew Hammer’d for safety and proper fit.
ORDNANCE // Pick up your ammunition at your local Tom Thumb, grocer, shuttle delivery, Class Six, or wherever you get your beer, prior to arriving at the deployment staging area.
MISSION OBJECTIVES // To muster and deploy a squad of plastered commandos, armed with inebriating beverages and drunken debauchery, into the sacred sands of the GULP COAST and surrounding areas, in a mobilized show of force to deter the encroaching threats to our booze-fueled bliss.
INTENT // Recent analysis of IMINT has indicated the mobilization of sober insurgents, armed with clarity of thought and alarming motor skills. This supports recent HUMINT from trusted sources, which reports numerous pits of despair established along the coastal region, fortified with deployed misery mines. If left uncontested, their advance on our beloved coastline will certify the legitimacy of their miserable regime. As the proud protectors of all that is fun and foggy, we must meet this encroaching threat, crush the opposition, and liberate the liquor!
KEY TASKS // Group Movement: Team must move in formation…no drunks left behind. / Follow markings provided by RECON TEAM. Mission success depends on it!! / Ammunition Management: casings must be retained upon expending.
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT // Do not waste your ammo…it must be consumed via your oral cavity, and shall not exit the casing anywhere else. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to negotiate with sobriety. If overwhelmed, retreat to the nearest tiki bar for reinforcements.
PSYOPS PROTOCOL // Insurgents may attempt to blend in with the local Civilian Population to maximize their damage. To identify friend from foe, be prepared to use personal vocal chords to issue forth bawdy power ballads. Bonus points for interpretive dance. If the population laughs / cheers, they are friendly civilians. Anyone with negative responses is an insurgent. ** DO NOT ENGAGE FURTHER. OBSERVE AND REPORT ONLY **
EXPECTED CHALLENGES // Coordination may be complicated due to varying levels of inebriation. Avoid rolling into the gulf without a buddy; salty water is not your ally.
MOTIVATION // we fight not just for the beach but for freedom, friendship, and the right to remain… gloriously tipsy. Grab your flip-flops, wear your hawaiian shirts with pride, and prepare to stumble into the history books. The GULP COAST is counting on you!!
// END OF TRANSMISSION //
