Hash #355 – Pensacola Outback

A typical, true Survivor trail they said.  A Pensacola Outback trail they said.  Damn right it was!! This trail was an epic, back to Survivor style hashing type of trail.  The hares were CSI, Spew from the Pew, and Rainblow Enema.  There were about 20 or so hashers present, to include a nice little visiting group from GCH3 in Mobile.  With this being a Survivor trail, the hares were somewhat dressed for survival mode.  Spew was in some of his military attire, Rainblow was sporting black attire, and CSI wore a full Boy Scout uniform.  Just before the hares were sent off, a new check on trail was explained.  It was called Antiquing and involved being hit in the face with flour when least expected.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket led circle and the hares were sent off to lay trail.  The great thing about this trail was it started right off with a muddy road, a long YBF, and straight into the briar covered woods.  It was no time at all until we were treading through almost knee deep, infested with who knows what, murky ass water.  Oh, and did I mention that there were tons of briars and thorns?

After having to wade through a little water, the trail made its way to a boardwalk which gave a short, but nice reprieve from the previous perils of trail.  As we finally made it to the end of a part of the boardwalk, we were back in the woods.  This time the wooded area was not all that bad.   We came across a fence line and took it north until we finally came to a clearing near Hwy 98…….. and then we came across the Antiquing check.  From what I hear, there was flour flying through the air to the point where it became a permanent dust cloud.   Props to Purple Vein and Lubricunt though for bringing back most of the flour with them…wearing it that is.  Well, at least until they came to the water crossing.

After the antiquing, it was a nice brisk “jog” to the beer check, which was close to Hwy 98, after a clothing exchange and antiquing.  After the festivities of the beer check, which I believe included Purple Vein at some point becoming a dilophosaurus…you know, the spitting dinosaur from Jurassic Park, toward Red River Cock Trigger.  The story has something to do with wearing attire that had “Sister” on it.  So, the trail then took everyone right back into the thick of things, except from the knees down, because it was all nasty ass water again.  After awhile of dredging through bacteria infested waters, it was time to cross the creek.  The crossing area at least had some decent branches overhead to help guide you across, especially since the current was strong as hell for a creek.  Thank G-d it rained for two straight days before trail, right??  Most everyone got across using the branches, or on someone’s back, and at least two that I know of, Enzyte Bob and Purple Vein, Tarzan’d their way across overhead.  From that point onward, it was wooded, swampy, muddy, and smelly…..what a great feeling!!

Eventually out of the woods and back to civilization, as the trail weaved through many streets in an area that had as many pit bulldogs as it did cars on blocks and torn up mobile homes.  Buttholeberry Finn was even told by some upright citizen that he should put more clothes on because there were kids around.  Now granted, he was wearing shorts, well maybe some small harriette’s shorts, but nonetheless it must have been like seeing an Olympic swimmer come out of the woods. Okay maybe not, but close……not really though.  Enzyte Bob was the FRB and Kibbles and Hips was the FBI; I do not recall who the DFL was.  After everyone was back in, Red Hot Pecker Pocket started circle.  We had no virgins this time to experience this epic trail but everyone loved the true nature of what the “Pensacola Outback” and Survivor H3 is all about.  Anyway, among the usual proceedings, Multiple Cum Shot Wounds received her 25 trail bandana and CSI received his 50 trail bandana……courtesy of Enzyte Bob and his little ….well, nevermind.  Due to specific complaints about certain happenings on trail, Rainblow Enema was to be renamed.  This time around there were many great choices; yet he finally was named Can’t Fuck This, as everyone busted out into an MC Hammer dance and singing to him.  NFHN Jen was also called into circle to be named.  The multitude of questions were asked and for some specific answers given, she was named Standup Cumedian.  After the namings were completed, Can’t Fuck This was again shocked as he was ninja-pants by Martha Screwhurt…exclaiming “I’m back!!”  The tail was so good, all I heard about was wet this and wet that, cold shivering bodies, bruises, cuts, scratches, sore muscles and sore backs, and that everyone had a blast.

Circle was concluded with the usual vessels on deck and Swing Low, but this time it was done at an accelerated pace….which was actually quite phenomenal.  The on-after took place at the Malibu Lounge with drinks, food, and karaoke.  It even included a Prince sing off between Purple Vein and Martha Screwhurt….good times, good times.

Just to wrap this up…..if you think this trail was epic, and it was……don’t miss the Trihashlon!!

On on…..CSI

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