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Hash #384

In their inaugural trail, Twisted Shitster and NFHN Joseph took Survivor through the seedy underbelly of Marcus Pointe. Site of a bulldozed middle school? Might be a toxic waste dump? Why not hare a trail there? You heard this trail would be long. How long? So long that the Hares were away on-time as scheduled in a quick Hares away circle start.
Circle reconvened a bit later for the Hash official start. Virgins and visitors were introduced. NFHN Joseph brought NFHN Liz as a virgin sacrifice and Intents Orgasm offered up NFHN ______ (What was that guy’s name?) to the hash gods. Visitors from Triple Tuesday and GCH3 rounded out a decent Survivor hasher showing.
There was pavement, there was shiggy, and even some barbed wire for the no-so-faint of heart. A Turkey/Eagle Split was left to divert those FRBs and lead those who were DFL at the 1/3 point of trail to the Beer Check first. No one took the Eagle Split and all revelled over the Beer Check set in the woods…if they figured out the true path among numerous Bad Trails and YBFs. All hashers then followed a LOOOOOOOONG stretch of pavement (not Survivors norm but with the length of this trail, wankers were happy not to be stuck in mud for half an hour which was the alternative) through the golf course before hitting the dangerous barbed wire fence and a drop to the clay put below. Spew from the Pew later complained about ripping his pants at this fence crossing. How he ripped his pants about his package is out of this scribe’s knowledge. Somehow everyone else’s snags were in the rear. The hares laid a shiggy trail up the opposite side of the clay pit and through the woods. “Trail treasure” may have been found in the landfill crossing that followed if any were brave enough to dig. The second beer check left the hashers on a majestic cliff overlooking the quarry, a present to enjoy the view courtesy of NFHN Joseph who found the glorious view and led hashers to find it on trail. More shiggy and a shady neighborhood later, the hashers found their way to on-in.
The two virgin sacrifices brought to trail survived their first trail, as brutal as it might have been. Make no mistakes, this trail was LONG but no true challenger for Survivor H3. Complaints were made and grievances given in closing circle preceded over by our Illustrious GM and RA Red Hot Pecker Pocket. On-after was followed by a bonfire at NFHN Kenny’s place. Rumor has it he is good with his hands, ladies. And he takes calls for “woodwork” assistance.

Hash #380 – Game of Grimes

Hung like a vagina, room and whored, and guest hare Bearly Blue from Voodoo H3 laid a Games of grimes themed trail in the vast wilderness north of Pace. Calling themselves the Whorelords of Bearly Blue, the hares promised winter was cumming and whitewalkers would be a plenty.

The houses of the southeast (Survivor, GCH3, ECH3) converged for a epic battle in the cold and wet wilderness. The Whorelords set the call to arms. Houses Butthole(berry Finn) , Swab (D Bone), Red River (Cock Trigger) and (Can I Fuck Your) Sister called for allegiances.
House Butthole’s battalion was strongest; House Red River the most meek. The Red Woman (aka GM/RA Red Hot Pecker Pocket) announced the charge and houses headed to battle; the hounds and harriettes left circle following the trail left by the whorelords. Tales from battle abound as Houses Sister, Swab and Butthole battled along the Trail of Beers. House Red River trailed behind but was not defeated. Sell swords (Prince Docker and Red White and Boobs arriving late to the battle) pushed from behind the battle lines, past Red River’s coven of lady warriors, and joining the ranks of each house along the way. House Red River was feared lost in the battle. Whorelord Bearly Blue tracked their scent (ripe by this time) and discovered them wandering in the wilderness. He showed them the true path, proclaiming “come with me if you want to live.” (He may be a robot warrior sent form the future to save us all.) The triumphant houses left no provisions along the Trail of Beers. With Blue as their guide, House Red River crawled to the battle end (on-in).
House butthole knight (what was the frb from ech3?) and Red White and Boobs served as FRB and FBI. In circle, potions and prayers were offered to old gods and the new for the safe return of all but Mount Gushmore who left the pack and never made it to battle.
The Red Woman (Red Hot) used the power of the lord of light to control the minds of the Nights Watch (4 local sheriffs and a game warden) who stumbled upon the battle festival at the end of trail. Her mind control (and body were strong), and the Nights Watch left the circle to commence with naming of NFHN Jack… FINALLY! Many choices were provided. After debate and democracy, NFHN Jack will for now and evermore be call “How to Tame Your Station Wagon.” On-after led to caking festivities for Bearly Blue and Station Wagon, dancing naked around the ceremonial fire, and much more (it is rumored). Station Wagon may have earned a nickname. What was this we heard about a pony?

2014 Hashmas

Survivor 369th hashmas camp out went on despite the rain dampening the tents of those brave souls who set up in the damp and dark outside the Casa of A Little Pinky Will Do and Teabag Touchdown. Campers included Survivors and out of towners from Mutha Rucker, Panhandle Cossacks, and GCH3. A very special guest rolled in from Nola, our favorite road whore Bearly Blue. The hares arrived well-lubed and ready to take it all in. Circle was led by Red White and Boobs. Pinky and Red Hot Pecker Pocket gave instructions of lasers and shiggy and two on the foots, oh my. ClitRus from GCH3 led the way and unbeknownst to the pack took the trail end leading us backward along the trail. We found on the foot #2 and made our way to the on in. Only one hasher noticed the lack of markings as the on-in lingered in the distance. Not to be defeated, Twisted Shitster returned to find trail, located on the foot #1 and returned the bottle to circle. Her prize for retrieving the bottle was to start the on the foot. The circle continued with many sharing the bottle. Hash erections took place with Mismanagement selected for the new year. Red Hot Pecker Pocket will take on the role of GM. Check out Mismanagement for full details of the newly erected members.
After a rousing Dirty Santa gift exchange, Red River Cock Trigger lit the hash bonfire (not to be denied by the downpour earlier in the day). Imbibing and debauchery continued into the night. Late night appearances were made by SlingBlade and Cum Waster. NFHN Jack (doesn’t he have a name already) modeled his dirty Santa banana hammock, though he did seek Standup Cumedian’s help to adjust it properly. Many hashers warded off holiday illness by finding their way home in the dark. The only two to stay the course through all of the festivities and be up before the hashers were Justin Bieber and Mr. Midget blow up dolls who hosted an all night orgy in the barn while hashers slept. Those brave enough to camp in the rain did survive the night; some more moist than others.

#373 – Tacky Tourist

So there we were… in the parking lot at the beach ball… on time… with no beer in sight. Someone who will remain nameless (CSI) graced us with his presence an hour late…… WITH ALL THE BEER!!!

So in the meantime, a small band of misfits who were lying in wait decided to go on an adventure to rectify this misfortunate turn of events. A cooler with ice in it was presented by the newbie A Very Berry Fairy (sadly we had already polished off the few beers the poor guy actually had). The cooler was hence forth DRAGGED across 2 hot ass parking lots to the 7-Eleven. Red Hot was met at the door by a feisty old lady who happened to work there who annoyingly asked, “Is that a soda in your koozie?” to which Red Hot replied, “………………………Why yes…. Yes it is.” Feisty Old Lady was having none of Red’s shenanigans and made her leave the “soda” outside. Whomp Whomp!

As Red was dragged kicking, screaming, and crying away from her beer, she was promptly tossed into the beer cooler to obtain nectar for the hash. At this point, she started dancing and singing the song from the movie Frozen, and was immediately advised to stop or die. After procuring said nectar they dragged the new, exceedingly full, cooler back to the hash and where they were met with many praises.

While continuing to wait for CSI, Sprays Anatomy and Red Hot squeezed their ample bosoms into some kiddie floats and proceeded to play bumper cars. Once that novelty wore off, they just started ramming into everyone and were chased around the parking lot.

Once CSI arrived (7 hours late), circle was kicked off (led by the infamous Pinkie) and the hares (CSI, Red Hot, and Triple Action) took off. Upon arriving at the first bar (The Dock), we proceeded to down a large amount of frozen adult beverages. The DJ started taking requests (God help the wanker) and everyone hit the dance floor. Next to the dance floor there was a glorious sight to behold…… a not-so-shiny and definitely STD-riddled stripper pole. Red issued a challenge to all male hashers to show off their best stripper moves. There were many impressive (and equally sad) moves, but laughs were had by all….. at least until A Very Berry Fairy hit the pole. After much trash talk, he FINALLY worked up the nerve to show off his moves (which were impressive), but he was quickly kicked off the pole by management and we were all advised that the pole was “for ladies only due to weight limits” to which A Very Berry Fairy put up a very valid argument. “Oh come on….. That chick over there (non hasher) was all over the pole and she weights WAAAAAAAY more than me!”…… Touche’ Fairy, Touche’! But I digress.

A few moments later the hares took off with the pack hot on their tails. Upon arriving at Flounders, everyone was provided with a glorious Diesel Fuel. GIGGIDY! After that, everyone was feeling pretty awesome, I must say. We lined up for our 2014 Tacky Tourist mug shot… I mean group pic. After we drank the place dry, the hares were off again to the next bar.

Once safely nestled inside The Islander, the hares decided to sneak in a few shots of Fireball – which were spectacular! The pack finally arrived and dancing, drinking, and games ensued. A muggle was fascinated with the hashers and started asking many important questions…

What the hell is wrong with you people?
Do ya’ll always act like this?
What is this hash thing in which you speak of?
Want to take some shots?
You guys have nice asses!

Once the final statement was made, Red made the muggle a guest judge, and kicked off the first ever Ass Competition. There were many eager participants and it ended up being a draw (I have the picture to prove this BTW). Once we wrapped up with our fruitless endeavors, we proceed to the final bar (The Break) for more beer, food, and closing circle. Red River and Pinkie set up a beautiful feast fit for royalty (and by that, I mean nommy burgers and hot dogs for drunk bitches). Once our faces were stuffed and vessels refilled, we headed into the back ally for closing circle. It was fantastic and if you missed it, you suck and will be punished in the next circle! Finally we ended circle and sent everyone on their merry little ways…. And NO….. To Red’s delight, there were NO injuries this year!

Until next time bitches…


Red Hot

Hash #355 – Pensacola Outback

A typical, true Survivor trail they said.  A Pensacola Outback trail they said.  Damn right it was!! This trail was an epic, back to Survivor style hashing type of trail.  The hares were CSI, Spew from the Pew, and Rainblow Enema.  There were about 20 or so hashers present, to include a nice little visiting group from GCH3 in Mobile.  With this being a Survivor trail, the hares were somewhat dressed for survival mode.  Spew was in some of his military attire, Rainblow was sporting black attire, and CSI wore a full Boy Scout uniform.  Just before the hares were sent off, a new check on trail was explained.  It was called Antiquing and involved being hit in the face with flour when least expected.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket led circle and the hares were sent off to lay trail.  The great thing about this trail was it started right off with a muddy road, a long YBF, and straight into the briar covered woods.  It was no time at all until we were treading through almost knee deep, infested with who knows what, murky ass water.  Oh, and did I mention that there were tons of briars and thorns?

After having to wade through a little water, the trail made its way to a boardwalk which gave a short, but nice reprieve from the previous perils of trail.  As we finally made it to the end of a part of the boardwalk, we were back in the woods.  This time the wooded area was not all that bad.   We came across a fence line and took it north until we finally came to a clearing near Hwy 98…….. and then we came across the Antiquing check.  From what I hear, there was flour flying through the air to the point where it became a permanent dust cloud.   Props to Purple Vein and Lubricunt though for bringing back most of the flour with them…wearing it that is.  Well, at least until they came to the water crossing.

After the antiquing, it was a nice brisk “jog” to the beer check, which was close to Hwy 98, after a clothing exchange and antiquing.  After the festivities of the beer check, which I believe included Purple Vein at some point becoming a dilophosaurus…you know, the spitting dinosaur from Jurassic Park, toward Red River Cock Trigger.  The story has something to do with wearing attire that had “Sister” on it.  So, the trail then took everyone right back into the thick of things, except from the knees down, because it was all nasty ass water again.  After awhile of dredging through bacteria infested waters, it was time to cross the creek.  The crossing area at least had some decent branches overhead to help guide you across, especially since the current was strong as hell for a creek.  Thank G-d it rained for two straight days before trail, right??  Most everyone got across using the branches, or on someone’s back, and at least two that I know of, Enzyte Bob and Purple Vein, Tarzan’d their way across overhead.  From that point onward, it was wooded, swampy, muddy, and smelly…..what a great feeling!!

Eventually out of the woods and back to civilization, as the trail weaved through many streets in an area that had as many pit bulldogs as it did cars on blocks and torn up mobile homes.  Buttholeberry Finn was even told by some upright citizen that he should put more clothes on because there were kids around.  Now granted, he was wearing shorts, well maybe some small harriette’s shorts, but nonetheless it must have been like seeing an Olympic swimmer come out of the woods. Okay maybe not, but close……not really though.  Enzyte Bob was the FRB and Kibbles and Hips was the FBI; I do not recall who the DFL was.  After everyone was back in, Red Hot Pecker Pocket started circle.  We had no virgins this time to experience this epic trail but everyone loved the true nature of what the “Pensacola Outback” and Survivor H3 is all about.  Anyway, among the usual proceedings, Multiple Cum Shot Wounds received her 25 trail bandana and CSI received his 50 trail bandana……courtesy of Enzyte Bob and his little ….well, nevermind.  Due to specific complaints about certain happenings on trail, Rainblow Enema was to be renamed.  This time around there were many great choices; yet he finally was named Can’t Fuck This, as everyone busted out into an MC Hammer dance and singing to him.  NFHN Jen was also called into circle to be named.  The multitude of questions were asked and for some specific answers given, she was named Standup Cumedian.  After the namings were completed, Can’t Fuck This was again shocked as he was ninja-pants by Martha Screwhurt…exclaiming “I’m back!!”  The tail was so good, all I heard about was wet this and wet that, cold shivering bodies, bruises, cuts, scratches, sore muscles and sore backs, and that everyone had a blast.

Circle was concluded with the usual vessels on deck and Swing Low, but this time it was done at an accelerated pace….which was actually quite phenomenal.  The on-after took place at the Malibu Lounge with drinks, food, and karaoke.  It even included a Prince sing off between Purple Vein and Martha Screwhurt….good times, good times.

Just to wrap this up…..if you think this trail was epic, and it was……don’t miss the Trihashlon!!

On on…..CSI

Hash #352 - Hash Flag

Instead of the typical hash trail that most would expect to occur within Survivor, this “trail” was planned to be a little different.  Again, we had about 30 hashers present, to include several visitors from neighboring kennels.  The hares were Hung Like A Vagina, Creams Do Cum True, Martha Screwhurt, and Hurl Necklace.  The idea behind this one was basically two packs heading in different directions, only to converge in a common area in order to attempt a capture of our Hash Flag.  Part of the idea was also to not be hit or bombarded by the other team’s water, nectar, cum bath, or whatever the concoction was that filled the many water balloons that each team had.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the opening circle and released the hares to lay trail.  Eventually it was thought of that the rest of the hashers present should take off in search of trail instead of enjoying the alcohol infused treats that were found in the garage.

Apparently, this “trail” was short lived, as it wasn’t very long at all before one of the teams found themselves setting up an area in the field where a “battle” was to ensue.  By this time, NFHN Shaun had captured the Hash Flag twice I believe, and it was swiftly recovered by one of the hares to have it placed back in play to give the other team a chance.  Jewpacabra and Swab D Bone kept eye on their stash of cum balloons while the rest of their team scouted the field for the others.  Twisted Shitster even claimed she was going to lay out somewhere and wait, but I think she must have recanted once it was determined that the field area actually had shiggy in it.  NFHN Shaun’s team located the “stash” of the other team and raided their cum, making their way back with plenty of reserves. 

Eventually, the other team made their way toward the field from the other side and awaited a response from Hung Like A Vagina who was trying to create “rules among hashers.”  Flippy Cock and Poonshine had taken the nectar of one team and was tracked by Hung Like A Vagina who brought them to the light so others could rejoice in the sweet happiness of what was inside their container.  I remember hearing Hung Like A Vagina yelling “one minute!!” as a precursor to start something.  At this point, with the Hash Flag again in plain sight, NFHN Harold casually strolled up to it and claimed it for the other side this time.  Finally, balloons began to occupy the sky as they fell upon each other and water guns were going off as if they were climatic releases.  After about five minutes of what was supposed to be something epic, the “towel” was thrown and everyone made their way back to Hung’s casa.  Now don’t get me wrong, the enjoyment was definitely had by all, as who doesn’t like a good water gun and balloon fight, especially with some sort of cum jizz as a surprise.  Oh, and we must have invaded some poor little girl’s territory because as we were making our way back to Hung’s casa along the asphalt, some little “puppy” armed with a pool noodle, took whatever revenge she thought she needed on the expense of the hasher’s backs.  Of course, as soon as the first hash song started, she was nowhere to be seen.

About this time, I had to depart the festivities for a prior engagement, but I performed some intel with others present and was informed of the remaining debauchery.  Flippy Cock made her special jello shots and pudding shots to share and they were enjoyed by all.  Circle began on the back patio of the house and was quickly moved to the yard due to claustrophobia.  Accusations were dealt with utilizing the fence, a line up and several balloons.  Hung Like A Vagina could not keep his claws off of Pinkie, and she finally had enough, but she thought it was Red River Cock Trigger, and basically cold cocked him real good.  At some point, Red River Cock Trigger had so much excitement built up that he could not contain himself anymore, or the glorious nectar, jello and pudding as it all came up….someone must have pulled his “trigger.”  

There has to be something said about the trails that have been recently conducted by Hung Like A Vagina at his casa, as the intel gathered from this one depicted him yet again as a “whiny little bitch.”  I even heard that he began speaking Whinese and also had to be put down for a nap at some point.  This is what ultimately led to A Lil Pinkie Will Do passing the Hash Trash on to Hung Like A Vagina.  I’m not quite sure, but isn’t this the second time he has had the Hash Trash?  Anyway, the circle continued and eventually two namings commenced.  NFHN Harold and NFHN Shaun were called into circle, asked the multitude of inappropriate questions where the absolute best responses were given, and then led away as the named hashers threw out name ideas.  Many great ideas for names came about for both of them, but the two of them were finally named.  It even took three hashers to cover the ears of NFHN Jodi and sing in unison the Game of Thrones theme song while a story was being told of NFHN Harold.  NFHN Shaun was named Rainblow Enema and NFHN Harold was named Captain Hook Her. 

Until next time,


Hash #351 - Just Looking for Love

Well, well…these little tales to be told are generally short and sweet; however, you had better sit back and just enjoy as this one unfolds, as the “tails” of this story leads well into the On-After.

A Lil Pinkie Will Do, CSI, and NFHN Shaun took on the pack that showed, which was about 30 or so local Survivor hashers, visiting hashers, virgins, and who the hell knows who else.  It was definitely a fabulous turnout with amazing weather, considering that cold, white ass shit that had been on the ground days earlier.  Not many knew this, but they will now… three hares went for lunch earlier in the day to Moe’s Southwest Grill.  I say this now and it will make sense why I am later.

Circle was started by a virgin RA, Spew From The Pew, who conducted himself with great command…even though his accent was enhanced with the excitement of it all.  The hares were introduced, blessed, and saturated in nectar before taking off on trail.  The kennel warmed up with the assistance of Lubricunt being puppeteered by Red Hot Pecker Pocket.  Shortly into the trail, a three dimensional Boob Check was discovered, courtesy of firmly made concrete tits.  The trail took on many directions, with the vast amount of intersections, YBF’s, clothing exchanges, song checks, and HOBLOWS along the way.  Surprisingly enough, the ghetto of the downtown Pensacola area was very welcoming to the hashers, as well as the pit bulls and other mixed mutts along trail.  I swear Purple Vein almost consummated with a pit along the way, if it wasn’t for the chain link fence separating them.  The trail weaved on several streets, under the interstate, across and down railroad tracks, over a bridge, and eventually back to the start for the ON-IN.  The FRB was Hasta Buy It and the FBI was NFHN Jen.  A small handful of hashers were able to locate the entire trail markings and come in the right direction, and most seemed to have to zen their way back from a short distance out.  The DFL’s were Multiple Cum Shot Wounds and little Klepto Kitty.

As the trail was being laid, NFHN Shaun and Pinkie would often exclaim how the Moe’s food from lunch was either going to come back up and make a re-appearance or something a little more unpleasant was going to happen on trail.  As it turned out, all was fine other than Pinkie needing ice for her gimp knee and NFHN Shaun finally being able to relieve himself of the lunch via excrement at the bottom of the staircase beside the building…. but it’s ok, he used recycled toilet paper from trail, covered in sidewalk chalk dust.

Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the circle after trail and kudos were given to Swab D Bone who now has 222 trails under his belt with Survivor.  After the usual festivities of backsliders, virgins, visiting hashers, analversaries, accusations, and any other excuse for hashers to do a down-down, NFHN Kim and Meagan were called into circle for their naming.  Questions were asked and very inappropriate, yet glorious answers were given.  Klepto Kitty led them away while named hashers threw out stories and potential names for them both.  Although there were many great names that could have been used for both of them, NFHN Kim is now and will forever be Insextuous and NFHN Meagan will be Sprays Anatomy.  A great time was had by all and only the best was yet to cum, as we were all on our way to The Roundup for the On-After, where it really became interesting…. at least for a few.

Eventually, after a little bit of miscommunication, most of the hashers ate and were well on their way to that moment of time where that sweet nectar takes us.  Quarter Pound Her brought a visitor with her who has hashed with GCH3 a few times, NFHN Thomas.  Now, NFHN Thomas is a rugby player, so we all heard, and as such, wears a kilt in true hasher form.  In this case, he may not have been aware that The Roundup is a very country, gay bar.  Now mind you, it is a fabulous spot for us, as The Roundup is and has always been a very loyal sponsor of Survivor, so we had no fears…notice I said “we” had no fears.  One of the patrons of the bar, from here forward will be referred to as Grizzly, was on the prowl.  Grizzly sat beside Twisted Shitster, who was an initial barrier between him and NFHN Thomas.  Of course Grizzly immediately told Shitster that she looked almost twice that of her actual age, but he was more than likely just trying to let her down easy, as his sights were on the meat beside her.

All of the hashers were in an area together for the most part and had the nectar flowing, keeping us all in rhythm with the music playing.  A few of the hashers had some nice dance moves, or maybe that was some sort of exercise move between Lubricunt and Twisted Shitster.  Needless to say, most of us were a little distracted until Grizzly eased his way between NFHN Thomas and someone else, stopped to glare at NFHN Thomas, and by glare I mean undress and rape with his eyes, and then rubbed is chest ever so slightly with a chuckle under his breath.  From that point on, Grizzly became even more aggressive, handsy, and “ballsy” with NFHN Thomas.  There was even a time when Grizzly put the “moves” on Peter Feelyah, who with his small stature was able to escape the confines of Grizzly’s claws.  Peter Feelyah, aka from that moment on as Spark Plug, was reminded of his heterosexuality courtesy of the harriettes, and was eventually able to retract his thumb from his mouth and speak again.

Grizzly, in no time at all, was like a T-Rex circling NFHN Thomas, but without short arms, because most of us saw the way he gained access below the kilt.  It did get to the point where we had to have Grizzly removed from the bar, but that was also about the time we were all ready to leave and head elsewhere.  As we at least made it to the parking lot and NFHN Thomas stood at the trunk of a car to change, he exclaimed that Grizzly “was only looking for love.” Now granted this was said as NFHN Thomas stood at the trunk with no kilt this time, bare ass to the wind, bent over looking for shorts in the trunk.  It just so happened several patrons were coming and going from the parking lot as well.  I can’t help but think this might play a little into his naming from GCH3 when the time cums!!!

The rest of the night was honestly somewhat uneventful, other than Quarter Pound Her becoming the “white girl wasted” of the group, but it’s ok, because she’s a lady!!


Hash #350 - UWF Trail

So, when you thought the first trail of the New Year was a true to form Survivor trail, we had yet another.  Swab D Bone and NFHN Meagan hared this trail in the luxurious land of UWF.  We had a little over 30 hashers, visitors, and virgins present.  As soon as the hares were released and took off into the wild constrains of nature, Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the group in warm up exercises.  Again, Clit R Us and Lubricunt from GCH3 were there….I think they are trying to pull ahead of Can I Fuck Your Sister.  We had the pleasure of seeing some not so common hashers grace us, such as Imagine My Erection and Cockeyed.  As we finally started on trail, we encountered concrete, blocks, hills, roots, clay, mud, water, sand, and all of the other usual hateful shit you see on a true Survivor trail.  We were all definitely excited and pumped!!  Upon arriving to the beer check, it was as if we were all gathered on a tight high point overlooking a lot of damn water and mud.  There was even a water crossing where we were lucky enough to have a somewhat rotten log and a wooden plank to step on, as well as a guideline above for support.  Mind you, not everyone decided to maintain proper footing on the plank, and Lubricunt was the first to offer me the ability to take a photo on trail of not just a “hasher down” but of a “hasher down in water.”  Fortunately for her, it was Clit’s shorts she was wearing due to a clothing exchange.  I told NFHN Dicky that if he just went in the water to cross it, so would I.  Then, he yelled out like a bitch how cold it was, so I recanted my offer to join him….thanks for the heads up there Dicky.

Trail continued and we eventually spread out a little from the main pack.  As we finally came near the end of the trail and had to climb up on the boardwalk, Peter Feelya was there to help a few harriettes up on the railing.  We all walked the rest of the way to the ON-IN….but little did Peter know he was going to get called out for DFL, even though he was being considerate….welcome to Survivor!!  We all gathered for circle and started off great, but then quickly got cold as hell.  Imagine My Erection and his son, Porcelain Princess, were both recognized for milestones.  IME had 240 trails, the highest with Survivor, and PP had 70.  Cockeyed was then called out to “find” his 25th trail bandana, which he ultimately claimed from the depths of Clit R Us’ wet shorts, worn on Lubricunt.  As the circle neared the end, NFHN Sara was called in for her naming.   As usual, many questions were asked, but her answers were very well appreciated this time.  We found a lot about her and even her sister indirectly.  It did not take long to cum up with a unified name for her.  I will admit though, Can I Fuck “My” Sister was a contender, and had to be mentioned here for Sister’s sake in GCH3.  NFHN Sara was ultimately named Twisted Shitster.  As the saying goes with most hash names, “if you hate your name, we did good.”  I think she likes the name though and so does everyone else.  She has been quite the trooper on our trails and kicks ass at WOB trivia.  Another great Survivor trail down in the books.

On On……….CSI

Hash #349 - Cum Stained Trail

Holy Shit Balls!!!! The first “real” trail of the New Year….and what a trail it was!! We had new hashers, old hashers, out of town hashers, and virgins.  Multiple Cum Shot Wounds and CSI were hares and took off from the parking lot of Winn Dixie near Perdido.  This was a getting back to nature trail, just like from where the Survivor reputation comes from.  In this particular case, we also had a special guest hare of NFHN Nolan….the “puppy” of Cum Shot and Hung Like A Vagina.  The trail consisted of thick ass woods, briars, thorns, prickly shit, and whatever the hell else you can think of that would scratch, rip, tear, and make you bleed.  Things were going quite well until we encountered an area that needed to be crossed in order to get back on trail which was to be on the asphalt.  We had no concerns about anyone scaling this wooden fence, except for Clit R Us from GCH3, all because of that dumb sling he keeps on his right arm.  However, I heard afterwards that the only problem he had with it was the fact that someone else had to hold his beer as he scaled the fence.

As the hares were waiting at the ON-IN, Can I Fuck Your Sister and Dil Van Do from GCH3 were the first ones to arrive.  The first words spoken by Sister, soaked in muddy water and bleeding from his lower extremities, were to the effect of “now that was a damn good, true to form, Survivor trail.”  Everyone finally joined the ON-IN and we began circle, trying to hide behind the bathroom building at the ball field.  The only problem was we were right behind and in plain sight of the Sheriff’s Office Substation….but no one cared.  After we began, the first order of business was to name our newly deflowered hare, NFHN Nolan.  Questions were asked and he promptly answered with enthusiasm.  Away he went and the pack gathered to ultimately name him Klepto Kitty.  He loved the name and took his OJ Down Down like a champ!!

During circle, GCH3 representatives Can I Fuck Your Sister, Dil Van Do, and Clit R Us presented several Survivor hashers with a pink GCH3 bandana for having hashed with them at least “3” times and have attended a past Flip Your Sister Campout.  The bandanas went quick and I am quite sure we will be seeing more of them in the future.  After the circle festivities almost came to a close, NFHN David was called to the middle of circle…..for his naming.  Everyone knew this one was going to be an exciting one, due to his experiences at his second hash event ever….a camping hash trail at GCH3.  Be sure to ask him about it as to how he felt about a Devil’s Three Way….and I will just leave it at that.  Anyway, we had some fabulous stories and names that came up and to his surprise, made him think he was to be named “New Jim.”  You should have been there to see his face!!! However, he was named Intents Orgasm and now has the expectation to live up to this name.  I remember like it was yesterday, talking to him for the first time at WOB while he was wearing a dress, asking me about hashing and how does he get involved.  Another prime and fine example of how Survivor H3, and hashing in general, can make someone cum around more often than not!!

On On……….CSI

Hash #348 - Festivus

Festivus, the holiday celebration for the rest of us, comprised of “Airing of Grievances”, “Feats of Strength,” the aluminum pole, Festivus dinner, and Festivus miracles.  This hash was all about every aspect of Festivus. Butt Monkey and Waah Waah Make It Stop hared this epic feat, and by hared I mean they pulled the shit they needed for a beer mile out of the back of Butt Monkey’s broken ass SUV.  We had a small turnout, but those in attendance made sure a good time was had by all, well except for NFHN Pete.
Literally, with a minute to go, our RA, Red Hot Pecker Pocket, A Lil Pinkie Will Do and NFHN David showed up….and then we started. Circle began right away and when the hares were off, they walked about ten steps to the vehicle and pulled tables, beers, bananas and a ton of damn caution tape out. The hares began “wrapping” what seemed like the entire damn park we were at and claimed their course was a quarter mile for each lap. As we finally started on this Feat of Strength, NFHN David was first out of the gate….I personally think to prove a point hahaha. All beers were consumed (Festivus dinner) and most had finished their mile, and yes NFHN David was first, followed by Spew From The Pew and World Wide Hoe.
Our one virgin, NFHN Pete, would’ve been in second place, had it not been for his unprecedented hurl of what resembled cole slaw. He had to run a penalty lap for that one, but he sure was a trooper. There were no Festivus “poles” for anyone, mainly due to to the beer we all drank…most guys weren’t having it and no girls were getting it. The Airing of Grievances occurred during circle and it really didn’t matter what the grievance was, because if someone complained, they still had to drink. There were, however, a couple nice Festivus miracles. Spew from the Pew found his 25th hash bandana stuffed on a harriette’s body, and he enjoyed the miracle of getting it, although it wasn’t much of a miracle cause our harriettes never complain about assisting with such marvelous acts, especially when no hands are used. An old hasher from the past, Wank Stomper, who lives across from the park, brought us reindeer sausage, fully cooked and greased, as our other Festivus miracle.
After the glorious event was complete, Spew from the Pew, NFHN Sara, NFHN Meagan, and myself went to GCH3’s 12 shots of Hashmas in Mobile…….and that’s another story, one day.
On On………CSI