Hash #348 - Festivus

Festivus, the holiday celebration for the rest of us, comprised of “Airing of Grievances”, “Feats of Strength,” the aluminum pole, Festivus dinner, and Festivus miracles.  This hash was all about every aspect of Festivus. Butt Monkey and Waah Waah Make It Stop hared this epic feat, and by hared I mean they pulled the shit they needed for a beer mile out of the back of Butt Monkey’s broken ass SUV.  We had a small turnout, but those in attendance made sure a good time was had by all, well except for NFHN Pete.
Literally, with a minute to go, our RA, Red Hot Pecker Pocket, A Lil Pinkie Will Do and NFHN David showed up….and then we started. Circle began right away and when the hares were off, they walked about ten steps to the vehicle and pulled tables, beers, bananas and a ton of damn caution tape out. The hares began “wrapping” what seemed like the entire damn park we were at and claimed their course was a quarter mile for each lap. As we finally started on this Feat of Strength, NFHN David was first out of the gate….I personally think to prove a point hahaha. All beers were consumed (Festivus dinner) and most had finished their mile, and yes NFHN David was first, followed by Spew From The Pew and World Wide Hoe.
Our one virgin, NFHN Pete, would’ve been in second place, had it not been for his unprecedented hurl of what resembled cole slaw. He had to run a penalty lap for that one, but he sure was a trooper. There were no Festivus “poles” for anyone, mainly due to to the beer we all drank…most guys weren’t having it and no girls were getting it. The Airing of Grievances occurred during circle and it really didn’t matter what the grievance was, because if someone complained, they still had to drink. There were, however, a couple nice Festivus miracles. Spew from the Pew found his 25th hash bandana stuffed on a harriette’s body, and he enjoyed the miracle of getting it, although it wasn’t much of a miracle cause our harriettes never complain about assisting with such marvelous acts, especially when no hands are used. An old hasher from the past, Wank Stomper, who lives across from the park, brought us reindeer sausage, fully cooked and greased, as our other Festivus miracle.
After the glorious event was complete, Spew from the Pew, NFHN Sara, NFHN Meagan, and myself went to GCH3’s 12 shots of Hashmas in Mobile…….and that’s another story, one day.
On On………CSI

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