Christmas Hashmal
Santa’s Whore Is Cumming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You’re gonna go dry,
I’m telling you why,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
She’s making a fist,
She’s stroking you twice,
She’s grabbing your balls,
And checking for lice,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
She blows you when it’s flaccid,
She mounts you when it’s stiff,
She don’t care if you’re bad or good,
She’ll make you take a whiff.
Oh! You better watch out,
She’ll sit on your face,
When your cock slides out,
She’ll put your tongue in its place,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
Give It A Blow
Tune: Let it Snow
Well, the weather outside is frightful,
But my dick is so delightful,
If you really want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
Let Him Go
Tune: Let it Snow
Everybody knows OJ did it,
Then he took the knife and hid it.
But the jury said “no, no, no”,
Let him go, let him go, let him go.
Johnny Cochran said that Mark Fermin,
Is like that mustached German,
And the jury said “Judge Ito,
Jingle Balls
Melody – Jingle Bells
Splashing in her gash,
In a one horse open sleigh,
My parents think she’s trash,
But I think she’s OK!
I think I understand,
The tinsel in her hair,
But why does she have mistletoe,
Inside her underwear?
Oh, jingle balls, jingle balls,
Jingle to and fro,
Watching all the little Kiddies,
Eating yellow snow.
Jingle balls, jingle balls,
Jingle one two three.
Why don’t you come over here,
And jingle balls with me!
Joy to The Girls
Melody – Joy to the World
Joy to the girls,
From the ______ Hash,
Your present’s in my pants.
I had no time to wrap it,
Now hurry up and lap it,
Repeat that bobbing stroke,
Repeat that bobbing stroke,
Repeat, Repeat,
Until you choke.
Joy To The Girls II
Melody – Joy to the World
Joy to the world,
I’ve finally cum,
A moment I enjoy,
Now get your fucking beanie,
Up off my shriveled weenie,
And call yourself a cab,
And get me one more beer,
And remember, you’re doing it,
Again next year.
You Got Away With Murder
Melody – Away in the Manger
You got away with murder,
Two people are dead,
Disemboweled Ron Goldman,
Cut off Nicole’s head.
It’s hard to believe,
That you’re feeling remorse,
You won’t find the real killer,
Unless he’s on the golf course!
Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire
Melody – Chestnuts Roasting . . .
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost ripping up your nose,
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire,
And folks dressed up like buffaloes.
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow,
Helps to make the season right,
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out,
Will find it hard to see tonight.
They know that Santa’s on his way,
He’s loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh,
And every mother’s child is sure to spy,
To see if reindeer really scream when they die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Screw you.
Santa Claus Is Not Coming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is coming to Town
You better watch out,
you better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead!
Eddie The Horny Reindeer
Melody – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Eddie the horny reindeer
Used to love the reindeer snatch.
You would always find him looking
Searchin’ every bush and thatch.
All of the other reindeer
Used to love to get a lay.
But Eddie the horny reindeer
Had to have it every day.
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say,
Sorry Ed to be so blunt
But if you don’t eat pussy,
you’ll get no cunt.
Now all the reindeer love him
And you’ll hear them shout with glee.
Eddie the horny reindeer
Won’t you please go down on me?
Donny the Retard
Frosty the Snowman
Donny the retard,
Had an 8 pound melon head,
He stood 5 foot 3,
And he said to me:
Hi, my name is Donny!
Here’s The Season
Melody – Deck the Halls
Here’s the season to be greedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Eat until you feel quite seedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Lots of beer and food and lollies,
Tra-la-la, la-la-la, la, la la,
In the morning you’ll be sorry,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
Get the maid under the mistletoe,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
If the wife sees you’ll soon know,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Is that what they mean by sticky pudd’n,
Tra-la-la, la-la-la, la, la la,
Serves you right if you get dripping,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
WHIPS AND CHAINS
Melody – Silver Bells
Walking sidewalks, city sidewalks,
In her leather and heels,
In my pants there’s a feeling of stiffness.
Her name’s Bambi, and it may be,
That tonight I might catch,
A face full of Bambi’s pink snatch.
Whips and chains (whips and chains),
Beat me lame (beat me lame),
My only pleasure is pain.
Crush my balls (crush my balls),
Make me crawl (make me crawl),
Bambi please make me your slave!
Frosty The Pervert
Melody – Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the pervert,
In a trench coat he did go,
To the schoolyard to expose his dick,
And balls made out of snow.
Frosty the pervert,
All the kids he liked to watch,
His dick did grow as he packed snow,
On his cold and icy crotch.
There must have been some magic,
When he stroked his icy meet,
Cause Frosty started moaning loud,
And it began to sleet!
Frosty the pervert,
Was as glad as he could get,
He threw away his corn cob pipe,
And lit a cigarette.
Oh Everclear
Melody – Oh Tannenbaum
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
You make me stagger and weave.
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
You make me choke and heave.
My eyes are blind, they cannot see,
My knees they buckle under me.
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
What would I do without thee?
Walkin’ With My Pecker In Your Hand
Melody – Winter Wonderland
Sleigh bells ring,
The seasons merry,
You don’t want,
To pop your cherry,
Though you don’t want to lay,
We can frolic and play,
Walkin with my pecker in your hand.
On your lips,
Sperm is glistenin’,
Suck it in,
While your whistlin’,
A caroling song,
As we move along,
Walkin with my pecker in your hand.
Scratch Your Balls
Tune: Deck The Halls
Scratch your balls and squeeze your dolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
‘Tis the time for foolish folly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Down we now our beer by barrels,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Then take off our
Date’s apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Walkin’ ‘Round In Womens’ Underwear
Melody – Winter Wonderland
Lacy things, the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask for her permission,
I’m wearin her clothes, silk panty hose,
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the store, there’s a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
We pretend that I am Murphy Brown,
He’ll say are you ready,
I’ll say whoa man,
Let’s wait until the wife is out of town.
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
Police Stopped My Car
Melody: Feliz Navidad
Police stopped my car,
Police stopped my car,
Police made me stop,
Walk a straight line, and blow a balloon up.
Police stopped my car,
Police stopped my car,
Police made me stop,
Walk a straight line, and blow a balloon up.
They want to wish me a sober Christmas,
That’s why they pull me over Christmas,
They say they just want to make sure,
I have no open bottles in my car.
They want to wish me a sober Christmas,
That’s why they pull me over Christmas,
They say they just want to make sure,
I have no open bottles in my car.
Oh Penis Head
Tune: O Christmas Tree
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
You really need a strokin’
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
You’re gonna get a chokin’.
My hand is warm, and slippery too
Rub you up and down, til you spit goo
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
We really need some pokin’!
Little Hooters Girl
Tune: Little Drummer Boy
Little Hooters girl,
Her rump-a-tight bum
How groovy they’re to see,
Umm-double-D-fun,
She brings me chicken wings,
Hot-tounge-a-tongue-toungue
She wears tight skimpy things,
Her tummy-tight-tum,
Rump-a-tight-bum
Look at them guns.
Oh, to ogle them,
Her rump-a-tight-bum
That’s why we come.
Little Hooters girl,
She’s not-a-dum-dum
She brings cold beer to me,
And pours us all some,
A birthday song they sang
With mighty big lungs,
Across the bar they hang,
Her rump-a-tight-bum
Double-D-fun
Had her boobs done
Then, she smiled at me,
I’ll tip her a ton,
Me and my chums.
Menopause Is Coming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out,
She’s starting to cry
She’s starting to pout,
And I’m telling you why:
Menopause is coming to town!
She’s having trouble sleeping,
She’s a bitch when she’s awake,
So get yourself a mallet,
And a real sharp wooden stake.
You better watch out,
I’m telling you straight,
For your sake I hope,
It’s just her period’s late,
And menopause aint coming to town!
Little Hummer Girl (The Juicy Girl Song)
Tune: Little Drummer Boy
Come she told him, a hum-a-hum-hum,
I am your friend Miss Kim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
Why don’t you come right in,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
And get to know my quim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum, You will cum.
First, she washed him, a hum-a-hum-hum,
Each big and little limb, a hum-a-hum-hum,
He saw she was quite thin,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
He thought, will it fit in?
a hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum, hum-a-hum-hum, Will I cum?
Then, she poised for him,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
Down on all fours for him,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
He aimed above her quim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
And slid his member in her
bum-a-bum-bum,
bum-a-bum-bum,
bum-a-bum-bum, And did cum.
The Restroom Door Said “Gentlemen”
Melody – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
The restroom door said “Gentlemen” so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I’d been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied
By three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse,
Than three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse?
The restroom door said “Gentlemen,” it must have been a gag.
As soon as I did walk therein, I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of Mace and hit me with her bag.
It just wasn’t cut out to be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn’t cut out to be my day!
The restroom door said “Gentlemen” and I would like to find,
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign.
Because I’ve got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind.
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.
Boy oh boy!
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.
Santa’s Whore Is Cumming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You’re gonna go dry,
I’m telling you why,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
She’s making a fist,
She’s stroking you twice,
She’s grabbing your balls,
And checking for lice,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
She blows you when it’s flaccid,
She mounts you when it’s stiff,
She don’t care if you’re bad or good,
She’ll make you take a whiff.
Oh! You better watch out,
She’ll sit on your face,
When your cock slides out,
She’ll put your tongue in its place,
Santa’s whore is cumming to town.
Give It A Blow
Tune: Let it Snow
Well, the weather outside is frightful,
But my dick is so delightful,
If you really want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
Let Him Go
Tune: Let it Snow
Everybody knows OJ did it,
Then he took the knife and hid it.
But the jury said “no, no, no”,
Let him go, let him go, let him go.
Johnny Cochran said that Mark Fermin,
Is like that mustached German,
And the jury said “Judge Ito,
Jingle Balls
Melody – Jingle Bells
Splashing in her gash,
In a one horse open sleigh,
My parents think she’s trash,
But I think she’s OK!
I think I understand,
The tinsel in her hair,
But why does she have mistletoe,
Inside her underwear?
Oh, jingle balls, jingle balls,
Jingle to and fro,
Watching all the little Kiddies,
Eating yellow snow.
Jingle balls, jingle balls,
Jingle one two three.
Why don’t you come over here,
And jingle balls with me!
Joy to The Girls
Melody – Joy to the World
Joy to the girls,
From the ______ Hash,
Your present’s in my pants.
I had no time to wrap it,
Now hurry up and lap it,
Repeat that bobbing stroke,
Repeat that bobbing stroke,
Repeat, Repeat,
Until you choke.
Joy To The Girls II
Melody – Joy to the World
Joy to the world,
I’ve finally cum,
A moment I enjoy,
Now get your fucking beanie,
Up off my shriveled weenie,
And call yourself a cab,
And get me one more beer,
And remember, you’re doing it,
Again next year.
You Got Away With Murder
Melody – Away in the Manger
You got away with murder,
Two people are dead,
Disemboweled Ron Goldman,
Cut off Nicole’s head.
It’s hard to believe,
That you’re feeling remorse,
You won’t find the real killer,
Unless he’s on the golf course!
Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire
Melody – Chestnuts Roasting . . .
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost ripping up your nose,
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire,
And folks dressed up like buffaloes.
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow,
Helps to make the season right,
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out,
Will find it hard to see tonight.
They know that Santa’s on his way,
He’s loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh,
And every mother’s child is sure to spy,
To see if reindeer really scream when they die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Screw you.
Santa Claus Is Not Coming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is coming to Town
You better watch out,
you better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead!
Eddie The Horny Reindeer
Melody – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Eddie the horny reindeer
Used to love the reindeer snatch.
You would always find him looking
Searchin’ every bush and thatch.
All of the other reindeer
Used to love to get a lay.
But Eddie the horny reindeer
Had to have it every day.
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say,
Sorry Ed to be so blunt
But if you don’t eat pussy,
you’ll get no cunt.
Now all the reindeer love him
And you’ll hear them shout with glee.
Eddie the horny reindeer
Won’t you please go down on me?
Donny the Retard
Frosty the Snowman
Donny the retard,
Had an 8 pound melon head,
He stood 5 foot 3,
And he said to me:
Hi, my name is Donny!
Here’s The Season
Melody – Deck the Halls
Here’s the season to be greedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Eat until you feel quite seedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Lots of beer and food and lollies,
Tra-la-la, la-la-la, la, la la,
In the morning you’ll be sorry,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
Get the maid under the mistletoe,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
If the wife sees you’ll soon know,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Is that what they mean by sticky pudd’n,
Tra-la-la, la-la-la, la, la la,
Serves you right if you get dripping,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
WHIPS AND CHAINS
Melody – Silver Bells
Walking sidewalks, city sidewalks,
In her leather and heels,
In my pants there’s a feeling of stiffness.
Her name’s Bambi, and it may be,
That tonight I might catch,
A face full of Bambi’s pink snatch.
Whips and chains (whips and chains),
Beat me lame (beat me lame),
My only pleasure is pain.
Crush my balls (crush my balls),
Make me crawl (make me crawl),
Bambi please make me your slave!
Frosty The Pervert
Melody – Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the pervert,
In a trench coat he did go,
To the schoolyard to expose his dick,
And balls made out of snow.
Frosty the pervert,
All the kids he liked to watch,
His dick did grow as he packed snow,
On his cold and icy crotch.
There must have been some magic,
When he stroked his icy meet,
Cause Frosty started moaning loud,
And it began to sleet!
Frosty the pervert,
Was as glad as he could get,
He threw away his corn cob pipe,
And lit a cigarette.
Oh Everclear
Melody – Oh Tannenbaum
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
You make me stagger and weave.
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
You make me choke and heave.
My eyes are blind, they cannot see,
My knees they buckle under me.
Oh Everclear, oh Everclear,
What would I do without thee?
Walkin’ With My Pecker In Your Hand
Melody – Winter Wonderland
Sleigh bells ring,
The seasons merry,
You don’t want,
To pop your cherry,
Though you don’t want to lay,
We can frolic and play,
Walkin with my pecker in your hand.
On your lips,
Sperm is glistenin’,
Suck it in,
While your whistlin’,
A caroling song,
As we move along,
Walkin with my pecker in your hand.
Scratch Your Balls
Tune: Deck The Halls
Scratch your balls and squeeze your dolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
‘Tis the time for foolish folly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Down we now our beer by barrels,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Then take off our
Date’s apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Walkin’ ‘Round In Womens’ Underwear
Melody – Winter Wonderland
Lacy things, the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask for her permission,
I’m wearin her clothes, silk panty hose,
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the store, there’s a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
We pretend that I am Murphy Brown,
He’ll say are you ready,
I’ll say whoa man,
Let’s wait until the wife is out of town.
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
Police Stopped My Car
Melody: Feliz Navidad
Police stopped my car,
Police stopped my car,
Police made me stop,
Walk a straight line, and blow a balloon up.
Police stopped my car,
Police stopped my car,
Police made me stop,
Walk a straight line, and blow a balloon up.
They want to wish me a sober Christmas,
That’s why they pull me over Christmas,
They say they just want to make sure,
I have no open bottles in my car.
They want to wish me a sober Christmas,
That’s why they pull me over Christmas,
They say they just want to make sure,
I have no open bottles in my car.
Oh Penis Head
Tune: O Christmas Tree
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
You really need a strokin’
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
You’re gonna get a chokin’.
My hand is warm, and slippery too
Rub you up and down, til you spit goo
Oh penis head
Oh penis head
We really need some pokin’!
Little Hooters Girl
Tune: Little Drummer Boy
Little Hooters girl,
Her rump-a-tight bum
How groovy they’re to see,
Umm-double-D-fun,
She brings me chicken wings,
Hot-tounge-a-tongue-toungue
She wears tight skimpy things,
Her tummy-tight-tum,
Rump-a-tight-bum
Look at them guns.
Oh, to ogle them,
Her rump-a-tight-bum
That’s why we come.
Little Hooters girl,
She’s not-a-dum-dum
She brings cold beer to me,
And pours us all some,
A birthday song they sang
With mighty big lungs,
Across the bar they hang,
Her rump-a-tight-bum
Double-D-fun
Had her boobs done
Then, she smiled at me,
I’ll tip her a ton,
Me and my chums.
Menopause Is Coming To Town
Melody – Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out,
She’s starting to cry
She’s starting to pout,
And I’m telling you why:
Menopause is coming to town!
She’s having trouble sleeping,
She’s a bitch when she’s awake,
So get yourself a mallet,
And a real sharp wooden stake.
You better watch out,
I’m telling you straight,
For your sake I hope,
It’s just her period’s late,
And menopause aint coming to town!
Little Hummer Girl (The Juicy Girl Song)
Tune: Little Drummer Boy
Come she told him, a hum-a-hum-hum,
I am your friend Miss Kim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
Why don’t you come right in,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
And get to know my quim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum, You will cum.
First, she washed him, a hum-a-hum-hum,
Each big and little limb, a hum-a-hum-hum,
He saw she was quite thin,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
He thought, will it fit in?
a hum-a-hum-hum,
hum-a-hum-hum, hum-a-hum-hum, Will I cum?
Then, she poised for him,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
Down on all fours for him,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
He aimed above her quim,
a hum-a-hum-hum,
And slid his member in her
bum-a-bum-bum,
bum-a-bum-bum,
bum-a-bum-bum, And did cum.
The Restroom Door Said “Gentlemen”
Melody – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
The restroom door said “Gentlemen” so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I’d been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied
By three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse,
Than three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse?
The restroom door said “Gentlemen,” it must have been a gag.
As soon as I did walk therein, I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of Mace and hit me with her bag.
It just wasn’t cut out to be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn’t cut out to be my day!
The restroom door said “Gentlemen” and I would like to find,
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign.
Because I’ve got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind.
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.
Boy oh boy!
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.