Rain or shine, we graced the beaches of Pensacola Beach for our annual Tacky Tourist Pub Crawl. Yes, we did have plenty of rain to start with, but that did not deter everyone from showing up. We had an excellent turn out of hashers and virgins as well. I started everyone off with some homebrewed Creamcicle. I hear it’s become a favorite among several of our local hashers. Circle began in the rain under a few umbrellas, and as luck would have it, the rain actually stopped as soon as the hares were off. By the way, the hares were A Lil Pinkie Will Do and CSI. We led some of the tackiest looking, beer drinking, hash loving fools down the streets of Via de Luna Drive. Our first stop was at The Dock where we enjoyed many pitchers of some sort of beer….I don’t even recall honestly; and does it really matter (sweet nectar is sweet nectar)!! Some of our crew hit the dance floor at The Dock and showed some of the locals there how we tear it up….literally. Sushi for Poochie fell in love with a virgin I brought who spoke Spanish to him, and he utilized Spew from the Pew as a translator. I am quite sure he knew that she understood most of what he was saying in English, but it was very entertaining.
Our next stop took us to the wonderful back area of Flounders, where most everyone in our group enjoyed a Diesel Fuel of some sort. I have never seen that many liquor bottles held upside down for so long a time to make the number of Diesel Fuels we had on our tab. Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the crew in some very provocative movements near the stage of Flounders after our group photos were taken. I think it had something to do with everyone having been so close together at that point; but I’m not complaining. After a lengthy hiatus at Flounders, we embarked onward to our next stop. A Lil Pinkie Will Do and I split up a little to make sure we had everyone accounted for as we passed behind some new place on the beach called Red Fish Blue Fish, or something. Anyway, as we were crossing the back hills of this place, it happened!!!! HASHER DOWN!!!!!!
Red Hot Pecker Pocket figured on one last dance move that was not as graceful as she had hoped (which means she slipped and twisted her ankle). Twisting is an understatement, as it turned out to be broken. Pinkie, Semen, Clit-R-Us and a few others I think helped her along as Clit and Pinkie took her to the ER for treatment. I carried on with the remaining hashers to our final destination at The Break. We had circle on the back patio as our impromptu RA, Lubricunt, conducted circle. I was preparing food for everyone and snuck into circle every once in a while when I heard my name for a down down. I am quite sure everyone enjoyed their time as most everyone was drunk at this point and ate most of the food that was brought and cooked. We kept tabs on Red Hot and made sure she was going to live!!
After circle was complete, we took everyone into the alley behind The Break, and had a caking for Hurl Necklace, We Were All Semen Once, and Cunt Castle the Shot Destroyer, as they all would be leaving Survivor very soon. Hurl’s dad was even there to witness the awesome sight of what was to occur. The pub crawl event ended with cake ingredients almost everywhere and on most people, and with a few harriettes lacking more clothing than what they started out with….I would say that was a successful Tacky Tourist, until next year!!
On-On……..CSI