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Ho Ho, oh what the hell, Happy Hashmas!!! And a happy time it was, for some at least. The theme this year was a choice of either Lumberjack or Onesies, and I do believe everyone was in some sort of costume to fit the theme, with the exception of Sushi for Poochie, as his attire seemed too appropriate for his nature to be anything other than a costume. As everyone started to show up, the food and alcohol started to pour in, along with a small downpour of wet weather. However, the rain did not stop our pyromaniacs from starting and keeping the bonfire going.  We probably had about 30+ hashers in attendance, to include a few virgins as well.  Spew from the Pew manned the dj booth and kept the entertainment going.  Of course part of the entertainment started when Jewpacabra showed up and asked “Am I the only one that came naked under my onesie?”  She’s so pretty!!

Circle was conducted by our not-so crippled anymore RA, Red Hot Pecker Pocket (let’s keep it that way).  Trail was hared by A Lil Pinkie Will Do and me.  The simplest of trails led the pack to the end of the driveway with a Checkback-69 to the beginning; however, when the few seasoned hashers who know Pinkie well decided to take off in another direction and cut through the woods and emerge from behind the barn, the rest of the pack followed.  Apparently, not many know what it means you see a Checkback-69….oh well.  Good food, desserts, jello shots, beer, and liquor were had by all; and there was a circle conducted in there somewhere.  One of the bigger highlights of circle was Pinkie receiving her 100^th hash bandana.  I recall seeing her head….who said head….fully engulfed at one point inside of a onesie worn by Hung Like A vagina.  That must have been a daring feat, but she did manage to locate her well-deserved bandana.  Just prior to the conclusion of circle, our annual hash erections were conducted with the following members of Mismanagement for 2014:

Grand Master (GM)         Cum Sucking Incident (CSI)
GM’s Ass                              Red Hot Pecker Pocket & A Lil Pinkie Will Do
RA                                          Red Hot Pecker Pocket & Red White and Boobs
On-Sec                                  A Lil Pinkie Will Do & Swab D Bone
Hash Cash                           A Lil Pinkie Will Do & Swab D Bone
Haberdasher                      Martha Screwhurt & Red River Cock Trigger
Beer Meister                      Hung Like A Vagina & Spew From The Pew
Webmeister                        Red Hot Pecker Pocket & Cum Sucking Incident
Hash Fluffers                     Slingblade, Multiple Cum Shot Wounds & Jewpacabra
Hash Flash                          Cum Sucking Incident & Red River Cock Trigger
 

After circle was closed, A Lil Pinkie Will Do was firmly escorted to a seat in front of a television, surrounded by everyone, as she was shown a very important video.  A video made just for her as a “Fox,” Survivor style.  The link to the video online can be found here.

 And then the Dirty Santa began and ended about two hours later, so it seems. Great gifts were exchanged and not so great gifts were just left behind….like a pair of black silicone feet and a painting that I have seen for a couple of years so far.  I do recall Cuff N Stuff having a fabulous time with the handsy help of House of the Rising Sun, until he finally crashed and relieved himself in more ways than one in Pinkie’s yard somewhere.  Sushi for Poochie was “evac’ed” out at some late hour and was heard of the next day having been spotted at WOB….go figure!!  Red Hot Pecker Pocket was laid to rest, not dead, just literally laid to rest after hugging the porcelain throne for a few minutes, but Pinkie does not seem to recall any of that hahahaha.  Hungry for Hippos wound up giving Red White and Boobs a back massage on a pallet by the bonfire and about a half hour later she wakes up and asked how long was she out.  C Harmony, who finally got his cowboy hat back from NFHN Kim (and if you weren’t there to see how, well you missed it), played some tunes on his guitar as the rest of us about crashed.

 Finally, the remaining few crashed indoors courtesy of Pinkie and Teabag Touchdown, while Cuff and House played tent buddies and NFHN Josh slept in his tent alone with his feet hanging out in the cold.  After the surround sound acoustics of Spew from the Pew and his dreadfully, delightful snoring, we all passed out for a few hours before all heading to East Hill’s Dirty Santa hash in downtown Pensacola.

 What a great weekend and a fabulous way to end a hashing year, with none other than a magnificent Survivor hash family.

 On On…………CSI

Other than being a bit tit bit nipply outside, the day was perfect for hashing. We had somewhere near or over 30 hashers in attendance, to include a traveling group of GCH3 hashers.  NFHN Sam and CSI hared the trail and this was a first hared trail for NFHN Sam. Upon finally circling coherently at the beginning, NFHN Sam and I explained the ruled of “NFHN Sam’s Pink Fun Box.”  The box was to be placed somewhere on trail and each hasher had to remove a slip of paper from the box and perform what it said, without reading it aloud to anyone.  The trail began with asphalt which included many intersections, most of which only had hash in one direction.  After a short time on the roads, the trail took everyone through one apartment complex to eventually cross a downed chain link fence, and then through an adjacent complex.  Eventually, we were across what most people would call civilization and into the deep dark woods.  Well, it was actually deep into the woods, as it was only about 30 feet from the road, and it was also still daylight….not dark.  The wooded, marked trail went for a short distance until the beer check was found.  Then after joyous fellowship and nectar sharing in the “deep dark woods,” everyone was up the hill and hashing again.  Again, on the road for a short distance and then back into the woods.  At this point, I had heard that at least one hasher (Gladiater), stayed on the road until he found the crippled hashers near the B location….and that’s why Gladiater refers to himself as a DC Road Whore.

The terrain in the “deep dark woods” was very pleasant and ever-changing, and definitely a bitch at times.    There was thick shiggy, some trails, hills, valleys, sliding on your ass spots, fields, railroad tracks, and a fuckin train to top it all off.  As NFHN Sam and I were nearing the end of our trail laying, we spot Spew from the Pew approaching from behind, and he was booking ass.  So we immediately began r*nning again and went straight up hill, finding a clay drop off that was scaled very quickly.  NFHN Sam dropped, I mean strategically placed, the Pink Box for the hashers and I made the ON-IN so we would not get snared.  Way to go Spew, but better luck next time!!!  After everyone finally showed up, circle was led by none other than our RA, Red Hot Pecker Pocket.  The hares came out, sang, drank, and were merry with all.  The usual actions were taken, to include the accusations of the half pack of hashers who skipped a lot of the trail towards the end.  At least most of them had the opportunity to enjoy NFHN Sam’s gift on trail of Old Crow Kentucky Bourbon.  I can’t imagine why half of a gallon bottle was left after trail….haha.

Can I F*ck Your Sister and Lubricunt, the Hashmaster and RA of GCH3, both received their 25 hash bandana from Survivor.  They are be-cumming quite the regulars with us, and we like it.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket was also congratulated on her 75^th hash trail.  The circle finally, after what seemed forever, came to an end with the naming of NFHN Sam and NFHN Eric.  Several questions were asked and stories came to light, but they were finally named as Martha Screwhurt and Creams Do Cum True.  Be sure to ask them in person about the meanings of their names!!

On-On….CSI

Yes, a damn invasion hash into Gulf Coast Hash House Harriers!!  The prelude to this event was a meme war on the illustrious strands of the World Wide Web; however, Up Your Anus (aka Tater) claimed to have never seen the likes of such since he does not do the whole “computer” thing.  I feel it’s ok to call him out on this, since he probably will not be reading this online.

Between the egos of Lost My Penis in the Pew and Purple Vein, something about laying claim to having Survivor folks show up with more than three hashers, the battle was on to take the credit.  We showed up with about 10 or so hashers, both named on not named….but alas, no virgins.  Tents were erected before too much began, as someone had a brilliant idea to do so before too much of a drunken stupor set in.   The hares of GCH3 were Eunix, Twinkle Twat, Obi Wan Cum On Me, and Lost My Penis in the Pew.  As the hares took off, so did two 4 wheelers with several coolers of nectar to lay out our beer stops.  I recall having heard a few honorary hash names being given out to a few parental units of Obi.  BJ Before Bedtime, Red Weisel, and Coon Rash were there as willing participants and helpers.  Of course Red Hot Pecker Pocket, and now NFHN David, were there as the Beer Bitch and the Beer Bastard….as they were and are still crippled.

Can I F*ck Your Sister led the opening circle and then we were off in search of following trail.  It was not too long before we were in shiggy, and as we were promised knee deep shiggy, mud, swamp water, and ticks, I think the only truth was the ticks!!  But that’s ok, because it usually leads to an interesting game of “Can You Find the Tick” where each harriette gets multiple checks from active, experienced hashers.  Swab D Bone emerged after trail from the wilderness with a hand-made tu-tu of hot pink surveyor’s tape….it was HOTT!!!   Circle after trail was RA’d by both Can I F*ck Your Sister and Lubricunt, and had a strong interjection of Purple Vein now and again.  Survivor was honored to have Purple Vein offer his personal singing skills of his own tribute to Survivor being welcomed to GCH3.  He definitely stole the stage on that one, and it was well deserved….great job Vein!!

We had the privilege of partaking in the GCH3 naming of who is now known as Jizz Simmons.  Grill Master BJ Before Bedtime handled the flames like a champ and delivered meat to perfection to all wanton hashers.  Once having plenty of nectar and grub, everyone became a happy camper and the “activities” began….thank you FIREBALL.  I don’t believe this is the proper forum to go into the details of such “activities” but I will mention that one of our NFHN peeps is about to earn a name (thanks Snatch of the Day and Butt Hole Berry Finn)!!!!!

Thank you Obi and Penis for hosting a great event!!

On On………CSI

What a great day to be hashing!!!  This business attire themed trail was hared by Hung Like A Vagina and NFHN Megan. Hung, being the seasoned hasher, took little NFHN Megan under his labia wing to show her the ropes (not bondage) of haring a proper trail.  Oops…..did I say proper trail?!? That will be explained later.

With several people not able to attend, we actually had a very nice turn out of Survivor hashers, visiting hashers, and of course Virgins!!  We were graced by the presence of ButtShot from Enterprise, AL (Motha Rucker H3) and a newly stationed hasher by the name of Peter FeelYah from California.  One of our virgins was there as having just met several of us at the World of Beer r*n a few nights before.  From seeing him at the on-after, he will definitely be cumming back to see us!!  Another virgin brought two new virgins, and I showed up with two of my own.  Actually, as Swab D Bone was so grateful to clarify, one of my virgins came to my Running of the Jews hash, but in all fairness, her virgin friend wanted to have her as a virgin alongside this time, so who was I to tell her otherwise. 

After the hares took off to lay trail (or maybe follow what was pre-laid…I don’t know), Red Hot Pecker Pocket (fabulous RA) led us in some warm-up activities.  And then…………….Walkers Away!!!!  We initially found ourselves, well at least a few of us, knee deep in a storm water runoff ditch, heading deep in the forest…………YBF!!!  At least it cooled us off a bit; and of course what’s better than having a pair of wet white shorts on, oh yeah…..sheer wet white shorts!!  There were a couple of prickly things along the trail, but not too many; well, except after we hit three, yes three Clothing Exchanges in a row and I had to give up my long sleeve shirt and pants for a pair of wet white shorts and shirt.  But hey…they fit!!

Then, the Turkey/Eagle split happened; and by Eagle, this meant an “unsanctioned” Beer Mile.  We had several troopers complete the beer mile, including NFHN Sam….she’s awesome and quite competitive too!!  Unextenze was the make winner and NFHN Sam was the female winner.  The Turkeys continued on after the beer check and eventually made our way to Blue Angel Parkway and then to Gulf Beach Highway.  Not seeing much hash along the way….at all…ever…anywhere…we followed Lost My Penis in the Pew straight back to the A point.  We showed up right as our hares were approaching from the opposite direction.  Then it happened…..some verbiage about being able to follow one of his damn trails completely that he makes in the same area.  The last time he laid a trail in the area, the same thing happened.  Admittedly, I do recall seeing a witchy way on the major road leading ahead and into a subdivision; but at that point, everyone was so far ahead of me, including my virgins, I chose to Zen with the rest of them.

While waiting at the On-In for the Eagles to appear, it started to get a little dark….then, lurking from the shadows they started to appear….having also admitted to have missed the second beer check and something about scaling a few fences and yards to get back.  On a brighter note, Peter FeelYah purchased some Lumpia while on trail and shared.  Right as the search party was being assembled for NFHN Sam and Unextenze, they show up….and NFHN Sam r*ns to the On-In, gracefully leaving Unextenze as the DFL. 

On-On………CSI

I have always heard that the full moon brings out the beast in people, and well…it was not short with this full moon at all.  Everyone went “beast” with our trail and especially afterwards.  After several of us enjoyed Pensacola’s Downtown Gallery Night, which always includes good food and plenty of drinks, we headed to our oh-so-secret gathering spot for the Full Moon Hash.  There was an amazing turnout that night, considering it was moved to a Friday night from the typical Saturday.  Several hashers from GCH3 and also from East Hill H3 graced us with their presence.  There were also several virgins and visiting hashers as well.  Swab D Bone, A Lil Pinkie Will Do, and CSI were the hares, with gimpy Red Hot Pecker Pocket as the Illustrious RA.  Now don’t let that “gimpy” word fool you, she will still steal your soul without blinking an eye.

As soon as we were blessed, we took off r*nning in some street lit direction and then into the murky darkness.  The full moon stayed halfway hidden behind a few clouds most of the night.  I have witnessed, from leaving my hash flash camera with Porcelain Princess, that Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the group in some obscene warm-up exercises.  I am quite sure she missed her calling as a potential porn PE coach.  Who would not have loved to have had her in school?!?  I am quite sure the pack wasted no time at all to hit the trail in search of the hares.  All I know is that it covered a good bit of asphalt, some woods and shiggy, a little ghetto, a park, and back through part of downtown, to end at a another park along the water.  As tradition has it, there were MANY extra 16lb bags of ice awaiting those to enter circle.  As one of the hares, I can fully attest that the ice felt great….at first, and then slowly led into a burning desire to have warmth on the buns.

Every excuse in the book was thought of to have everyone, at one point or another, sit with their bare ass on the ice.  Of course, those that were on the ice had to endure the frigid feeling while the rest of us sang the lengthiest songs we could think of.  One memorable moment was as we were singing Yogi, with probably about 15 people on ice, Clit-R-Us from GCH3 (also on the ice himself), added a verse to prolong the chilly effects; he is such a teamplayer!!  Project Porktown and Thumbelina even shared some ass ice time.  It was nice to see them since they have been MIA for so long it seems.  The two of them, along with Red Hot Pecker Pocket, retrieved their milestone bandanas from “others” while at circle.  For some reason, why is it that Unextenze is always bare at some point while hashing ?!?

I will have to admit, Purple Vein must have had his blood pumping, as I have a photo of him laying practically bare on the huge pile of ice at the end of circle.  Surprisingly enough, there was still a lot of ice left, considering all of the hot dirty buns that stayed on the ice for so long.  All in all, it was a damn fantastic full moon hash and I look forward to the next one.

On-On……..CSI

As the name implies, we had a vagabond of superheros at this one.  First of all, GCH3 caravanned from Mobile; and I mean the whole damn GCH3!! We also had several of our own Survivors present, as well as a few newbies.  I recall Urine the Kitchen, Red White and Boobs, and Clit-R-Us were at least “Bat” characters, Spew from the Pew, Ass Whisperer, and someone else were “Superman/woman” characters, Queer Near was the Copulator, Sushi for Poochie was Captain Confederate, Lubricunt was some sort of liquor shot giving queen or something another, Guten Twat was Wonderwoman, Shatner and some other sap were Wolverine, Unextenze wore a full out, flannel looking, Batman pajama outfit, NFHN Sam was a Kick Ass character, Skidmark from East Hill H3 was Flash, Vulva Whore was a Ninja Turtle, and I graced the likes of Blankman.  I would have to go back to the photos at this point to recall what other outfits were there.

Our hares for this trail were Sushi for Poochie and We Were All Semen Once.  Sushi and Semen took off as soon as being blessed and Red White and Boobs acted as RA to lead us in some excellent Superhero calisthenics; and of course Clit-R-Us showed up just in time to help her “bat” out the issues.   Everyone shortly then took off in search of the hares.  It was an interesting trail throughout parts of downtown Pensacola, as a bunch of idiotic, superhero wearing fools r*n/walked the streets.  At some point, most everyone was atop a parking garage for the beer check, which worked out very well….for most people that is.  At the conclusion of the trail, the On-In was situated at World of Beer where Sushi for Poochie and his faithful companion Zelda awaited our return.  Circle was conducted in the back parking area of WOB, as to somewhat shield ourselves from the on-looking public.  I did spy a few eyes still from office windows up above.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket could not be there in person due to her “injury”; however, I kept her on Skype for most of circle in order to witness the shenanigans.   The Ninja Turtle definitely came out of her shell during circle at some point, and I believe What Wouldn’t Debbie Do can attest to that.  When we finally hit the patio of WOB, Sushi for Poochie had everyone set up with actually making sushi for ourselves.  He had a spread of ingredients for everyone and drinks were plentiful….to start with at least.

A huge shout out to Sushi for Poochie for allowing us to partake in his beer party at WOB!!!

On-On……..CSI

Rain or shine, we graced the beaches of Pensacola Beach for our annual Tacky Tourist Pub Crawl.  Yes, we did have plenty of rain to start with, but that did not deter everyone from showing up.  We had an excellent turn out of hashers and virgins as well.  I started everyone off with some homebrewed Creamcicle.  I hear it’s become a favorite among several of our local hashers.  Circle began in the rain under a few umbrellas, and as luck would have it, the rain actually stopped as soon as the hares were off.  By the way, the hares were A Lil Pinkie Will Do and CSI.  We led some of the tackiest looking, beer drinking, hash loving fools down the streets of Via de Luna Drive.  Our first stop was at The Dock where we enjoyed many pitchers of some sort of beer….I don’t even recall honestly; and does it really matter (sweet nectar is sweet nectar)!!  Some of our crew hit the dance floor at The Dock and showed some of the locals there how we tear it up….literally. Sushi for Poochie fell in love with a virgin I brought who spoke Spanish to him, and he utilized Spew from the Pew as a translator.  I am quite sure he knew that she understood most of what he was saying in English, but it was very entertaining.

Our next stop took us to the wonderful back area of Flounders, where most everyone in our group enjoyed a Diesel Fuel of some sort.  I have never seen that many liquor bottles held upside down for so long a time to make the number of Diesel Fuels we had on our tab.  Red Hot Pecker Pocket led the crew in some very provocative movements near the stage of Flounders after our group photos were taken.  I think it had something to do with everyone having been so close together at that point; but I’m not complaining.  After a lengthy hiatus at Flounders, we embarked onward to our next stop.  A Lil Pinkie Will Do and I split up a little to make sure we had everyone accounted for as we passed behind some new place on the beach called Red Fish Blue Fish, or something.  Anyway, as we were crossing the back hills of this place, it happened!!!!  HASHER DOWN!!!!!!

Red Hot Pecker Pocket figured on one last dance move that was not as graceful as she had hoped (which means she slipped and twisted her ankle).  Twisting is an understatement, as it turned out to be broken.  Pinkie, Semen, Clit-R-Us and a few others I think helped her along as Clit and Pinkie took her to the ER for treatment.  I carried on with the remaining hashers to our final destination at The Break.  We had circle on the back patio as our impromptu RA, Lubricunt, conducted circle.  I was preparing food for everyone and snuck into circle every once in a while when I heard my name for a down down.   I am quite sure everyone enjoyed their time as most everyone was drunk at this point and ate most of the food that was brought and cooked.  We kept tabs on Red Hot and made sure she was going to live!!

After circle was complete, we took everyone into the alley behind The Break, and had a caking for Hurl Necklace, We Were All Semen Once, and Cunt Castle the Shot Destroyer, as they all would be leaving Survivor very soon.  Hurl’s dad was even there to witness the awesome sight of what was to occur.  The pub crawl event ended with cake ingredients almost everywhere and on most people, and with a few harriettes lacking more clothing than what they started out with….I would say that was a successful Tacky Tourist, until next year!!

On-On……..CSI